Ok, a week ago (having been living separately for a month now on her request)my wife asked me to come over to work on separation paperwork.
I went over to my wife's house and basically said that after all this time (friends 32yrs M 12yrs) if we don't even try, we'll never know whether it could have been saved. Weds she came to my place and said that she was willing to try. (a little background: I left at her request on Jan 16th, she was with another guy for a couple of weeks, listed her her status on facebook as single, the whole shebang)
As of today we have spent part or most of the past 7 days together, dinner out, at her place, shopping, etc. She speaks about her new place at times as if "we" will live there and at times as if it is "her" place (I get that, no problem). She removed her single status on FB, she has begun a bit of physical closeness (putting her feet on my lap, watching tv in the bedroom, occasional hugs and kisses). She has agreed to marriage counseling, but that scares me even more after hearing all of the failure horror stories.
I am an idiot. How do stop myself from getting over anxious and "pushing"? She says it will take time to heal the hurt and trust issues (I get that too in my head, it's my heart that is the problem) I asked her, and she says that she still finds me physically attractive, but still feels a wall there. After all of the pain, to find myself in this position is almost unbelievable to me (in a positive way). I am terrified of screwing it up. She thinks that a "counselor" is the only way to get help. How can I get her to consider an alternative?
I need help reigning myself in so that I stop being my own worst enemy.
I can't be the guy I was. Why would I want to. I don't want to go back to the way things were. That's what got me here.
