Blech. I know where you're coming from Red...I found a "hi" text from OW yesterday, first time I've looked at his phone in MONTHS. I also find it difficult to balance my need for transparency with the need to let the past die, not keep dredging it up.
However, I have found lately that if I just ask, he'll generally answer. I haven't yet about the text.
I hope you find some peace...you're right about not forgetting or trusting. Forgiving is something else. If you're still feeling pain, I think you need to look more at the forgiveness side. It is possible to remember without feeling daggers all the time. Does that make sense?
Of course, that all hinges on whether or not your radar is going off justifiably.
