DA Club III

[pearlharbr]

Tawnya, I'm glad to hear you didn't text H yesterday. I know it feels like it might have been ok because it wouldn't have been "mushy" but it would have done just as much damage. It would have shown H that you're still waiting for him, living your life based on what he wants.

IMHO, the point of detaching is to live life on your own terms. It matters not what H wants or doesn't want, it matters only what Tawnya wants.

Maybe recent happenings in my sitch are making you want to avoid something similar. It does suck, but at least I'm doing things on my terms.

Keep using this time to work on yourself. If you have a down day that's ok. Just work though the emotions and if nothing else, the next day will come and you can start over fresh. That's what gets me through!

You're doing great! Early days are tough but it will get easier. I hope to see some vacation pics in the alt!

[Tawnya]

Yeah..I'm glad too..especially after this lovely revelation I found out today:

My friend who watches my cat told me that my hub was at my house last night when she went there, or at least his car was and that my hub's motorcycle was gone..no big, I thought cool he took son out cause it was a nice day. Ok..so talked to son today and asked if he had a good weekend and if he got to enjoy the day yesterday. He said "no..dad had to work late yesterday and Sat"...OKAYYYYYYYYYYY of course I didn't say anything to my son but I was like hub didn't take son on the motorcycle and left him at his apartment ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was angryyyyyy and was going to text him and say about 50 things..LOL..but Amy said it just didn't matter and that he wouldn't have cared and she's right and then I would have been more mad!

THEN..I texted hub to ask him to bring son home before work tomorrow or at his lunch cause I'd be home around 3 and he texts back that he would and then goes "so how is your trip. Meet anyone interesting?" WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!!!!!!! So, I ignored that and said thanks, trip is great

The bizarre behavior continues..LOL

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

I'm glad Amy talked you down! Remember the DA Club unofficial motto: water off a duck's back.

Of course he wants to know what you're up to and who you're meeting. He's not the center of your universe anymore and it's starting to bug him. Hah! Too bad.

[Tawnya]

{{Pearl}} yeah you are right..as Amy and I said earlier to my daughter and her friend, they don't want us, but they also don't want us to have a life LOLOL

Tawnya

[kassie]

Just think about what you are doing next. Why think about what they are up to? Isn't that their point? DA girls/guys.... separation is about you living your life and the other S living their life apart from each other. If you are going to think about them and react to every word, text, message, contact, why are you separated? Anyone for resuming life before separation? I didn't think so.... let it all go. Focus....focus ...focus... beaches and ski mounts, and all. Take the time, use it wisely and move forward.

Two months for me and getting easier.

[silvagod]

Kass, I can see you are now moving onto stage 2. Becoming a mentor.

You will make a terrific one as well!

One day, my dear <waves hand across in front of himself>, all this will be yours

[Tawnya]

{{Kassie}} I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I don't give a FLIP what my hub is doing, what I DO care about is that he left my son at HOME in his dinky apartment, lied to my son about working late, and just went out tooling around on his motorcycle. Otherwise, I really could care less that he goes out and rides all day, works all day, spends all day with the OW or whatever..it's the fact that he did something to my son that made me furious! He was the one who seemed to care what the heck I WAS doing..which I found very weird..LOL

[JDOllie]

W does me the same way - when something happens to my kids, I just about lose it. I can keep my cool with anything SHE does herself, even the affair - but not when my kids get dragged into it.

Anyway, now, day three for me! This just gets easier and easier!

[Tawnya]

Well..I suppose I may have to say I went back to day 1..tho I am not sorry and it was a well needed convo. I was driving back from the airport to my house, about 1 1/2 hrs, and hub sent me a random text message about our taxes, and it SOUNDED accusatory and I was just about over it..LOL..so I called him to clarify what he meant..

ANYWAY..we had a long talk about everything..his relationship with OW and that it is serious enough that he wants S12 to meet her at some point..I asked him if he really thinks they are that serious and that he foresees a long time/forever with her because I don't wanna just drag people thru for him otherwise and he said yes..so I told him it was a wait and see on that one.

We talked about the crappy settlement he wanted to give me, he said he would fight anything more than the 1 year of everything and 1 year of just whatever, no more than that..so I dunno that I have recourse really and/or if I honestly WANT to drag it out and fight it..honestly, I'd just like to be divorced today and be done with it all..it's just so ridiculous really that he thinks that's okay and, if that's the person he wants to be, I don't want to be dragging myself and him and our kids thru court and crap, so I have to think on that one and about S12 hanging with OW and her "lovely children"..

Anyway..it was just that kind of discussion, it was crummy for me, there was yelling and crying on my part because the money thing is such a slap in the face that I can't even describe or honestly explain very well..it just is..

But we ended fine and I even got in my question about being 120% done..I told him I was 100% done and that I wanted him to be absolutely sure because I can be 120% done and not look back but 2 months down the road I Don't want to go thru this again and he said no, even if his OW was a mistake he wouldn't go back to what/where he was, and I said I wouldn't either..so I left him on that beach in Florida after all it seems And I told him I deserved better and he agreed that I did..I told him I thought he deserved better than the OW because she's a serial cheater, but that I hoped she wouldn't screw him over and hurt him..

So..anyway..needless to say..LOL..sounds like I'm back to day 1, but I'm totally fine with that

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

(((Tawnya)))

I hate that he's trying to screw you over the money. I still think you need to stand up for your financial future through your lawyer. It's important for you and S12. He's the one who cheated, he's the one who walked away so HE needs to be willing to pay for his freedom! Of course I would defer to the L's opinion on how hard to fight, but don't let him treat you like a doormat because he's threatening you. I understand not wanting to waste any more time and energy on H, but you can do this.

Everyone has their backslide moments. If you felt you needed to get it out then let that be that and don't do it again. I'm saying this out of love. It makes you look needy and weak which we all know you are not. Better to get back to focusing on you and only you.

I speak from experience. When I left for New Year's it was on a great, breezy uninterested note but I blew it with some emotional text messages from the airport. Blech. Set me back a few weeks which doesn't sound like much but they were at a crucial time so I still regret it.

Let's end on a positive note. What are you GAL activities for the rest of the week? If you don't have any lined up yet, get something fun on your calendar!