Those books go more into the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship - and they can be very illuminating for both partners involved. I read them after my wife accused me of being abusive - in fact, I read through just about any book on abuse that I could find - and started going to a T to work on the things she accused me of (in my case, it was anger issues)...oddly enough...what eventually became clearer to me - and this was very difficult to accept, much less admit, was that my wife was very emotionally abusive - which became magnified after she dropped the bomb...
I just want to add, though, that my situation seems kind of rare here on the board - and so I'm not sharing it in order to suggest you change your perspective about your wife - in my situation it simply became very clear that as I worked more on myself and shed the anger she accused me of having - her anger and aggression intensified...and while I read those books initially to understand how I might have hurt her - they also helped me to understand how her behavior affected me as well.
Divorce Remedy is good for finding ways to work on yourself and your marriage - the Evans books and Love Without Hurt - are food for finding ways to improve the dynamics of your relationship.
In the end...a lot of this process is about being a stronger you - healthier and more secure in who you are.
I'm glad you're reading Coach's posts - he is a true pillar of strength and someone I respect very much.
Be sure to post to other people's threads - get advice from women when you can - but just try to spend less time thinking about what you wish could change in your W - that's out of your hands - what you can work on is you - and that is it...if your growth happens to attract her attention - that would be a plus - but either way, you have got to work on yourself first and foremost...and I know that can be hard.
BTW - after you finish reading DR I would suggest going back and reading it again...I read it four times and each time I read it I gained a different understanding of what was in there...sometimes we're just not ready for the lessons we get - but when we are, those lessons get really easy to internalize and put into practice.
If you were to read my first posts, you would find a shell of a man - someone that was just constantly beaten down by the fear of losing his wife...once I got over that (which happened in the last few months) I found myself in a way I never knew I could.
