I made it to the roundhouse; now which way?

[Little Engine]

Having some mixed feelings today and haven't posted in awhile. An old friend has moved back to town so I have spent the last couple of weekends, going out on the weekends and seeing other old friends. Came down with a flu bug and have been on the sidelines today and that might explain the empty feelings. S called me and we chatted and I asked about D. I could hear XW raising her voice in the background saying "TALK TO DADDY!" And D relpying, "It's not my night." She reluctantly got on the phone and she began crying almost immediately. The phone call ended with "I love you Daddy!" about four times. It hurts and I am also angry, XW I am sure is oblivious, as long as she is happy. Everyone says it gets better, but days like today set me back weeks. I miss the day in day out interaction with our children. I wonder what is going on in D's head? I am sure she feels divided loyalty between me, her mother and OM.