It is all sad....our H's have no idea what they are doing...if they think that the OW is their ticket to happiness, well, let's just say they'll pay in the end...that green grass eventually turns brown...we too can move forward to happiness...I'm trying...I sat in the house 2 years, waiting, crying, and begging...not anymore...I'm out more than I'm in....but sometimes I'm overwhelmed...I could use a nice break, but it will come...
Take care....and BREATHE!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
In my sitch, H is not with an OW (at least not that I know of). The secretary was an EA and "one time thing" that they "knew immediately was a mistake". H has "had drinks" with women, but is not "what he'd call dating" (again, so he says). But, I don't know if that makes it better or worse!
He stays most of his nights in the spare room of his buddy (male) who was laid off from his job and him out with a little money for "rent". He works very long hours and then spends off time alone or carousing with his buddies, and is happy as a clam. He tries to spend quality time with S17 (which I am thankful for), but avoids me....... Will not even wish me Happy Birthday because he is afraid I will see that as an indication that he is coming home to me!!
I'm breathing!!!.......
[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Silent....Funny but my H said the same things....he can't be nice to me or smile at me cause I'll think we're getting back together...whatever....so my H just doesn't talk to me at all....LOL....now that solves it all....
My H is so withdrawn at this point, he doesnt have a care in the world...just himself....
My D16 wrote another paper, once I get it on my computer I will post it....she's amazing...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I need your advice again....I know why my H has been so distant lately....Apparently my D16 has been texting H and basically telling him what she thought...so not good I guess....she came to me today and asked if I've talked to H and I told her just a text about her grandfather....then she told me...H had not returned her text...she keeps saying he tells her people change...it's just what happens....she wants him to tell her what we did to him to make him leave....she is not going to get that answer and I told her that...I said dad is a different person now, not the person he once was....she wants him to say he was wrong that he made a mistake....I told her he did tell us he made a mistake, and she said, "then why is he still doing it"..that her sister got to do everything with him and her brother still gets to, and that she doesnt...I told her she can if she wants, but she says she doesnt want to...she feels weird around him now...she doesnt even feel like she has a dad...I started to cry...I told her I will never keep her from her father, i just cannot accept the OW...and I'm sorry I cant..
She left feeling bad and I feel bad...I told her the past is over, I cannot change the past...it's here we have to deal with what we have...
I told her if we didn't have dad, I wouldn't have them... that, yes, sometimes I still miss her dad but he is different now..and that I do still love him...its going to take time...that dad is taking care of us by giving me all of his money to take care of them...
I wish my children didnt have to go through this, I wish the world was different but I'm making it....one day at a time...
Do you think that's why he hasn't been in contact or even taken son for the evening?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, In my opinion, your daughter's texting is only a small part of what is going on w/him. Your h is very self absorbed and very much into himself right now. What he's doing is called disconnection. There is a stage, whereby they do distance themselves from everyone including their children and pets. I suspect your h is at that stage.
Also, he's not able to deal with the fact that your father isn't well either. They don't do sickness of others well at all.
It's very tough on children when a parent is zooming around the universe. You've tried to tell her in the best way possible. You might want to advise her that he really does love her, but right now, he's dealing with his own personal issues and can only focus on one thing at a time.
Treese, there will come a time when he will begin to reconnect w/his children. The question will be just how much or how little they will want w/him when the time comes.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I did tell my D16 that her dad loves her...she just gets mad at me and asks me why i'm defending him...so I dropped it...
As far as my dad...H did ask about him...doesnt seem to bother him...what he was bothered by was the fact that his kids didnt call him to ask him about his own surgery...and in fact he told me the day before his surgery that it's just another surgery....cant keep up with it all...he's acting like a 12 yr old in my opinion...
I am really so much better with it all....I wouldn't want him right now anyway...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
(((((((Treese))))))) Don't defend him. And don't try to explain him to her. I don't know is a good answer, when it is the truth.
She recognizes that he isn't who he was (I guess you didn't need to be told that!), so she understands that you can't explain why he does what he does.
I'm not sure he is acting like a 12 year old. I was thinking 4!
I'm stuck in the same place........I even have D15's bf texting me and asking me to talk to my daughter......to explain what's going on. All I can say is that I really don't understand it all. I think it's just best to be as honest as you can feel comfortable with. After all, we've been lied to sooooooooo much, and we know that the truth hurts way less than the lies.
I think your H is in a class all by himself --- and I'm sure he doesn't know what he's doing and why---my only advice would be to try to stop figuring out why he's doing what he's doing, because I bet there is no real explanation...........only the little green men that have taken control of his brain know...
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Will not even wish me Happy Birthday because he is afraid I will see that as an indication that he is coming home to me!! 
