Hi Karen, thanks for the encouragement. I will try to add some other GALs to my life. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough when I have those moments of feeling lonely and angry.
So, yesterday, I had a few thoughts in mind that I so wanted to express to my H. In the past when we lived together I would have immediately called him to let it all out. But I was good enough to not call. Was pretty close to though but thank God I did not. I figured why bother, it will not register to H anyway. So I figure that I would share these thoughts with you guys.
1. So H and I have our small little endeavor going and were going to work on his business next. I saw him working this weekend at our invstment property and he was doing such a good job. Anyway, I was thinking about what him and I always talked about that we make a good team. I did X (the financial part, the planning) and he did Y (the fixtures and handling the rentals). Anyway, it made me think about H always complaining that people think all our accomplishments was because of me, which it was not (I am more responsible but H was a great support and he absolutely did his part. The fact of the matter is that is have such low self esteem himself and was so weak that he had other people come in and break up us. He bought into they saying that the X I did was more important than his Y. Bull crap, we both handled our crap. And people being who they are did not want us to succeed so of course they played in the weaker people. Total divide and conquer tactic. I remembered when we got married that the pastor prayed that let them be a force to reckon with and now what.
2. H says that it only bothered him when I started to say the same thing about all that I have done and that everything was because of me. But I think it was more a vicious cycle. I did X and he did Y, he started to think Y wasn't good enough and treated me like crap so I brought up but I've been doing Xxxxx.
3. Then H said to me last week that he knows he didn't handle things well with OW and his son. And that he wish that people would have supported him more. But this weekend I was thinking that H is like George Bush, and H and I are strong Democrats. (sorry Republicans here). He made a mistake and went into Iraq thinking that they are weapons of mass distruction, found out that it was a mistake, and instead of owning his mistake and working to correct it, he changed the plan and made it about bringing freedom to Iraq, and inturn killed thousands and made things are worse off than before, and now almost everyone hates him. Same goes to H, he started the A, had a child, instead of admitting the mistake and working to correct, he stayed on the same track with the A, and now has gotten deeper in, made things worse, lost the support of his family and mine, and now wants support and is upset that he hasn't gotten support. Like Bush, if they had just owned up to their darn mistake, then we all would have supported and work to make things right. Oh, how I wish I could share this analogy with my H.
4. H talked about how I think I am better than OW (which I'm sure is her talking) and other people because of my accomplishments. You know... f- that!! At first I was feeling a little funny and constantly defending myself about this to H. But I just should give a rats ass. It's only because her and H don't have anything bad to say about me. Since they have no complains, it now oh she thinks she's better than people. All my friends and family think I'm one of the most down to earth people. Darn I don't even like uppity people. I carry myself with a certain level of dignity and I admire progressive people but in no way do I look down on people. I know my H knows that. And he has been the one encouraging and uplifting me. Just excuses.
Anyway, I decided to vent here since I don't want to vent to H who will believe and buy into whatever give support and reason for his A.
