The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

Okay, I think the baby thing is starting to get to me. I have a rash on both my arms. This is my stress indicator. I get some kind of ecsema (spelling?) when I get stressed about something. And, I woke up this morning at 3am and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Then I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I'm basically, running on empty today.

I know I'll be okay. I'll just figure it out somehow. But, I also know that I have been pushing down the pain of this situation for a while. It's going to come out somehow. I just hope I figure out a way to release my hurt and my anger in a constructive way.

I feel battered and abused by him. I feel like..not only did he destroy my world..our family....he continued to make sure that he pushed me down as much as possible....I have worked hard to forgive him. But, I am still struggling with that. I think I could forgive him if he ever felt sorry he hurt me or he tried not to hurt me anymore. But, since he seems incapable of that, it makes it difficult to forgive him. I hope that makes sense.