Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

I don't know WDID. I'm completely at the point where I could care less if she's planning something with OM or the next OM or whatever.

With the way she's been, I don't think it's something I even need to worry about. If she is talking with OM, it's not A stuff. He's on to his next victim to a point that he wouldn't even spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with his kids so he could be with the next OW. And honestly, if she wants to hook back up with him, it makes my decision so much easier. Would I know for sure if they did get together? Maybe, maybe not. But it really doesn't change anything I'm going to do, so why worry about it?

Does her being a little secretive with the Laptop worry me? Somewhat. But since she could contact who ever she darn well pleases while she's at work, what does it really matter? Heck, I truly feel that it was easier when I KNEW she was wayward than what is going on now. At least then, I KNEW. This recovery (if that's what we're doing) is HARD.

Oh, those walls. I know she has them up huge. And when we're away or she has a glass or two of wine, they drop. Sunday morning was another example. W was at her purse getting a smoke out and I walked up behind her and gave her a hug and her first reaction was to tense up and I just held her lightly for about 5 seconds and she relaxed and then I went out and fixed some coffee and she was fine. Another example. When we were away last Oct and again Valentine's weekend and connected, W had no problem with me seeing her in varying stages of undress, right down to naked. But when we're home and she's got those walls up, she's quite modest. Just another example of those walls holding her back except for when we're not where those constant reminders are. And everyone here thinks I'm stupid, but that's one of the reasons I keep taking her on trips. Not to reward her, but if that's when she'll open up with me and let those walls down, doesn't it make sense that I should encourage those times?

I just think if I don't contact her while I'm gone, it will do more good than any potential bad. Like when I've gone and spent the weekend with S20 and not contacted her. She'll either contact me or if she doesn't, when I get home she's a little distant, but in short order she warms up. So I just see this as a good opportunity, like Pup says, for her to see just what she's missing. And with the cell coverage being so spotty where we're going, I'll be able to delay responding for quite a while if she does contact me.

One thing I did find encouraging. I was just reading on another board (not much work getting done today!) that this guys W finally opened up to him about her A that had ended LAST APRIL! I guess that's another reason I'm trying to be patient. I've read enough stories on the net that sometimes it takes a YEAR for a WS to de-fog. And last April is when my W said she ended it with OM. Not that I'm stupid enough to believe that there's been complete NC since and I'm still concerned about her secrecy, but if financially I'm not where I could do anything about it right now anyway, why not give her more time?

Thanks for sticking with me everyone. I really appreciate it more than you'll ever know.