Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

EG,

How did you find out?

W's oldest friend told me about it. She is also friends with my sister and was friends with me before W and I got together so. She told my sister and my sister got me to go to her house on Sunday and got the friend on the phone so I could hear it first hand and sister was there to have a shoulder to cry on.

W has been talking to the friend for months about our breakup and what a B$tch I am ect. Friend didn't think her explanation made any sense had been trying to get her to tell her what was really going on about the OW. Finally W told her a couple weeks ago. The friend struggled with the knowledge and finally decided that she had to tell me about it so I wouldn't keep believing her and letting her take advantage of her. She also sent me texts from W to friend that totally confirm what she told me.

I would caution you to consider how wide of a circle to expose to, and what your motives would be. You sound very vengeful today, and rightfully so. But as pro-exposure as I am, the PURPOSE of exposure it to try and save a marriage, and to give the OM/OW's spouse the opportunity to know the truth, and to make their own decisions for their family. Neither seems to apply here.

I am feeling very vengeful right now but I know that I can not act on any of my feelings, at least not for a while. I think I need to get her out of the house and get a seperation agreement in place to stop the community property and debt so she can't do any more damage.

Now that I found out when this affair started I can hardly believe how horrible the OW is. She came to our wedding 9/20/08 and started sleeping with my W the beginning of November. And then she came to our house with my parents on Christmas Eve. How can this woman have looked me in the face.

Part of me feels like she needs to have some consequence for what she has done. She is so worried about people finding out that she has been with a woman I would love to burst her bubble.

I do think that outing this affair will end it very quickly. The OW would drop W like a hot potato. But I will not being doing anything any time soon.