A New Decade

[AliSuddenly]

Hey MrsM... sounds like you have really been getting on and living your life, good for you. Lots of seeing friends and socialising !

I know exactly what you mean about observing couples where the woman is behaving like X and yuo can see problems looming and how amazed you are to see the dynamics of other peoples R's in a way that you wouldnt have done before all of this happened to us. I found for a long while that I keep expecting people with these issues to split up, but I am slowly getting back to the point where I dont expect that, as in fact, most people muddle on in their dysfunction.. not many people are hit with a WAS like we were.

Hey glad you enjoyed band night too! Arent they the best? M3 sounds like he is still showing interest in you?

And lastly.. wow, so your H got in touch and said he would phone !?? You know, its a New Moon in Pisces today.. and some pretty spectacular stuff happening with Jupiuter this week, so things are supposed to speed up and start happening.. good luck with talking to him.

Al xxx

[JCJ]

(((Ms M)))

Sounds like great GALing! Have faith in yourself girl, this guy clearly wants to spend time with you, therefore... he must like you Good job on batting the h question away, it is always hard to know what to say.

I know what you mean about watching other couples, sometimes I sit there and cringe and think noooooo don't do it. DB goes so against the grain that even if you point things out people think you are mad as it is going against instincts. People have to figure it out, although I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone.

Good luck tonight, I'm sure you'll be a star!

Jx

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Ali, Yes, band night was fun. I am a people watcher so it was nice to get out in a different city, different faces. Yep, it certainly is interesting noticing the dynamics of other couples relationships.

Hey ((Julia)), I also tend to cringe like you - say nnnnoooo inside. Strange isn't it?

Thanks for the vote of confidence with M3! After he got his low class beer, I was telling him where it was brewed & such (cuz he never heard of the beer before). He joked back that he was impressed with my low class beer knowledge. I joked back that now I know how to impress men - with me low class beer knowledge. I think he does like me, but is or seems a bit reluctant with anything that may seem like a 'date'. If so, then maybe he doesn't know quite how to act either. When we chat he tells me what he's doing, asks what I'm doing, but hasn't offered to do anything together. Granted he is recently divorced, so that may play a role or that I'm still M. Oh well, I have learned patience & am content. I will take the little emotional highs I get & be content. M1 is or was a friend of my H (my H never would return his calls or do anything with him). And thus M3 through M1 is an acquaintance with my H as well.

No call from my H tonight. Although, I think I did say whenever he had time to call this week as fine. So no surprises there.

[MsMelancoly]

Well, an update on me. Went out on Sat. night with M1 & M2. Had a nice time just being out & chatting with them. M3 couldn't make it as he was sick My sister was also sick this weekend. Seems I have escaped it!!

My H never called last week. Really, I didn't expect him to, it's simply just out of his comfort zone. We emailed a few times last week & today as well. I asked him if he had gotten his D papers filled out. It seems he has & I asked him to meet this week. Currently, he will be coming over on Thursday for pizza & to share D paperwork. He also emailed me that at his job they are having a 20% pay cut - ouch!!! As far as I know he makes little as it is. Wonder why, he only tells me bad news??

So cross your fingers that he doesn't bale on Thursday!!

[MsMelancoly]

Well, my H finally made it over today!!! It was a good meeting. We talked about many misc things, him telling me about Malaysia, about work & his current or formers friends/band mates. Wow, he finally has realized that his friends are all totally f**ked up. I realized that right away. I told him when he was in the band that I nor any woman could compete or give him the ego boost a band does!! We joked around a lot too. I made some light jokes about my nagging/complaining & thanked him for telling me this, so I could change. I think he realized that some of my nagging was because I cared. I have a feeling, that in retrospect he sees that life with me wasn't all that bad. He really didn't have his D papers done, I filled out most of the info & joked that I also had to D myself (I know that he hates paperwork & this financial stuff is depressing). He asked if we could still be friends & hang out? I said yes, we can be friends but I didn't really think he wanted to hang out with me. He said he missed hanging out with me. I also told him M1 missed hanging out with him. My H said maybe I can go out with you guys sometime, if that's ok. I said yes. I also told him that he knows that he needs to start taking his things here. He said yes, he knows. I did make him take a few things. Before he left he gave me a hug & a short kiss on the lips. I didn't initiate this, like I did in the past. And yes, when we were even just good friends we would do this when saying goodbye.

[Sanderika]

WOW, MsM,

It sounds like H is doing a little backpaddling with all the niceties.

Do you think he is already sorry and feeling regret?

Does he know there is something happening between you and M3?

This is exactly the same sort of stuff H does with me and he also filed for a D in Oct 08.

I have not and will not help him fill out his papers though. I won't make it easy for him to D me. If he wants to eventually go through with it, it's going to be half his burden. I will take care of my own and that's all.

I would maintain, maintain, maintain if I were you. You just never know where these things will end up.

Have a great week, you are doin' marvelous!!!!!!!!

Sanderika

[AliSuddenly]

Wow, you handled that well!! How did you manage to be so 'cool' !? Interesting he is now seeing his friends for what they are. God these men work through these processes so slowly, dont they! How did he look anyway and do you still have any feelings for him/fancy him? Sorry.. just being nosey! Well done for being so calm and collected.

Al xx

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Sanderika! I can only guess that he feels sorry or has regrets, since he has never apologized. Maybe more so it's that the guilt that he feels is being lifted. I don't know.

I know very little about his personal life & he knows very little of mine. So, no, he doesn't know about my infatuation and or friendship with M3. When I told him about seeing his friend at the concert, I only mentioned my sister went not M3. Really, it's none of his business who I went with.

As far as doing his paperwork, our M was so short & really I have much too lose financially by dragging my feet. So frankly, it's in my best interest. He's planning on finishing the paperwork this week & suggested that we could meet to sign it. So we will see.

[MsMelancoly]

Hiya Ali!! Thanks for the compliment!. I do think I acted rather cool. I guess my actions were business like (like our role model Julia), yet I was friendly & joking. Dare I even say that we might have had fun doing D papers I know that sounds very strange. Maybe it has to do with working toward a common goal, and we are no longer struggling against each other. I even joked that if there would have been this much paperwork to get married, that we never would have. At one point he picked up the knife on the table & asked what kind of knife it was. I said it's a bosom knife & he made the motion that he was putting it in my bosom. Dork! I also cooked us breakfast like old times & later we had a martini.

Yes, it did take a long time for him to realize that his friends were a bunch of losers. He was betting that being their friends would also advance his position at work (since it's the owners family). Last time we met, I told him that family only cared about themselves. Today, I did no lecturing. Mark that as another thing I did wrong in the past. I had plenty of chances when he talked about his friends, his mom & family. He even told me that he no longer talks to S (whom I suspected was the OW). Guess, he can't stand her now.

Strangely enough, one email I got from him in Malaysia, he said he couldn't wait to get back to the US. Now, he would like to go back. You see over there, we was treated like a boss & important. He didn't have any responsibilities other than going to work. He gets back & here at his job he's basically talked down to & unappreciated. Also he has to deal with life's problems. It was surprising to hear him admit that he knew going back to Malaysia would just be escaping from reality. This is a man who has spent his life doing so (or at least the past 2 years).

My H looked better this time. He had his haired dyed brown instead of his natural gray. He said he was stupid to listen to his hairdresser & go his natural color (which is now gray). I didn't say anything, even though I thought it was a stupid idea when he first told me 3 months ago. Ah, maybe his hairdresser was on my side Do I still fancy him?? When I think about that, strangely enough I just want to push it out of my head and not think of it. I still do love him, enjoy spending time with him and we have many similar interests. Does that answer your question? Could I ever really open the vault to my heart again to him ...... that is not something I even want to ponder about at this point.

[MsMelancoly]

So, I was looking over my H's financial disclosure paperwork today. Really, I feel so bad for him. His expenses are pretty bare bone. With his monthly income & expenses he will be -$30 (or probably more) each month. Yesterday, I saw his checking balance was at -$18 on the paperwork. I didn't say anything, wonder if I should have ...... I woke up this morning still wondering that & feeling a bit guilty since I have money in savings & checking. I know, way back DBcoach Jody said no rescuing!! (Which was my pattern in the past, even when we were best friends). It's so hard not too, when really I still do care about him. Any thoughts out there??