I took the kids to church the next morning, he parked outside but didn't come in (said he would meet us there). Then he texted me that he was getting his butt chewed by his boss (on his blackberry) and couldn't get off the phone to come in.
I decided that was just fine. When I got home he was already at the house. He had gone to the store and got steaks to grill us for lunch??? I assume that is stubborn-man-language for an apology for blowing up at me.
In my mind I think I actually dropped the rope for the first time. I have said that I dropped it a few different times but this feels different. I realize I cannot change his feelings. I could build a shrine to his great earning/providing for his family. It wouldn't matter. I could thank him profusely. Wouldn't matter. So all I can do is let go and move on and if he ever decides having me back is worth letting go of his blanket of blame and resentment (which he currently holds onto with a death grip), he will have to let me know. And it may be way too late.
