JDOllie's Story #6

[JDOllie]

Don't you think she gets that after the month of darkness? Or do you think that since you responded to her "niceness" last week you've given the wrong impression?

Exactly. I guess what I'm thinking is that I don't want to flip-flop like she does. What happened to me was that she quit going on dates, had a bunch of stuff happen to her, etc - and then starts being really friendly like the "old days" - I thought maybe things had broken off with OM. Especially when she didn't answer the getting-back-together question.

But, I'm going to follow my own advice - when she writes me a four-page letter like Pearl's BF, THEN it may be worth considering. Unfortunately, I may be in Pearl's boat - not sure what I want to do.

But the dark is definitely on! If she has something to say about it, THEN I'll tell her how I feel, but even then I can sum it up in one sentence.

[Tawnya]

{{{JD}}}} I knew since I talked to you in the alt that you weren't going to send it LOLOL And I'm glad you didn't..everyone is right..but sometimes it IS nice to get stuff out on paper. I had an email I was gonna send to someone that wasn't necessary, but thinking it thru made things more clear to ME..even if that person never saw it LOL

I hope your dark goes well for you and that, someday soon, you won't even have to "fake it till you make it"..

I was curious tho..did you decide whether you were gonna move forward on filing or just let it "sit" while you stay dark?

Hope your Monday is great my friend!

Tawnya

[JDOllie]

I am going to sit for the moment... It's the million dollar question for me right now!

I still think something major is going on with her - and the shoe is going to drop. Either she is so self-destructively stubborn that she will continue affair, etc, even as her job is falling apart, her grades are slipping, kids are saying they want us back together, she is obviously not happy - or - God will get through to her.

I will make a decision very soon - but again, my current worry is that once I cut things off, it'll take an act of God to make things go the other way.

[Tawnya]

{{{JD}}}} well either way God can move, but it's all on YOUR time table..no one else

Hugs to you

Tawnya

[K4D]

Stay strong JD,

Maybe God is making things happen now and thats why things are falling apart for her. It could really be him working on it.

I wouldn't file yet. Give it more time and see what God does.

Keep staying dark.

And nothing wrong with writing on paper. I type things all the time in notepad on my computer that I want to send, but never do. I think sometimes it just helps to get those thoughts out. But then when you step away and think, you realize, better not to send it.

Kevin

[pearlharbr]

I understand not wanting to appear to waffle, but I don't think that's the case unless you were way friendlier than you posted here (I don't believe that, just saying). It's not like you declared your undying love and begged her to return home.

She changed her behavior, you responded a bit, she felt like she had you where she wanted and she changed her behavior again. Sigh. Well, everyone has his/her weak moments but you're already back on track so I don't think there's any harm done.

You already know to go back to what was working. I've seen you give the exact same advice to others, including me!

What's on the GAL schedule this week?

[JDOllie]

I was very friend-ly - no romance, no sweet talk, nothing. S6 was the one that kind of made things a little weird.

I think you are probably right on the behavior thing.

I started the dark back today - as it is the last basketball practice, the coach invited parents to come and play. I forwarded the email to W. So, she came in sweats and stuff.

I just went down to the court, and didn't even bother to look up there, and the coach had the parents come out, and she kept yelling my name, and I just ignored her, then she came bouncing down ready to play. I think the best part of the evening was when she was guarding S6 and kept saying "You're so cute, we should play basketball every day!" I was thinking, "Isn't it cool how great your kids are when you actually DO SOMETHING with them?"

She tried to talk to me a few times, and I commented one time because she was about 6 inches away and looking right at me, but otherwise, I completely ignored her, and just talked to the kids.

Anyway, so she followed me in her car on the way home, and kept calling me, so I finally called back because it was sort of hard to be dark when they are right behind you.

I called her, and she was being really weird. She asked me if it was their last practice - it said so on the email I forwarded, and the coach said it again tonight, so it's not like she didn't know.

Anyway, I said I thought it was, but wasn't sure - then she said, "Since it's his last practice, we're going to go to Dairy Queen."

I just said, "OK". Then they watched me drive past Dairy Queen.

You know - if you want me to come, you can INVITE me. I'm not playing the games anymore.

I was watching a sappy movie, and no guys are allowed to laugh - but I was watching the girl look at the guy, and there was a "moment". Now, I know Hollywood knows how to build the moment, and let the music crescendo, and all that stuff, but there were many moments for W and I.

That's what I want. I want her to love me, see who I am, know the father I've become, the man I'm standing up to be, look at me like I deserve. I want her to recognize what I have given for her, what I have sacrificed for her. I don't need any special "petting" - just be a woman, a wife, a mother, and a human being.

For the very first time, I was ready. I'm ready to move on. I appreciate myself (that sounds odd, but it's so true). I see who I am, what I've become. I see my children's faces, how they run to hug me, how much they love me. When W drove past, they were waving like mad, and doing I Love You signs.

I'm in a sea of emotions at the moment, and all of them are pretty darned good!

[JDOllie]

Oh, and GAL schedule:
Monday - basketball (done, was a blast)
Tuesday - see kids until 6pm, then monthly church board meeting (actually pretty good)
Wednesday - church, and putting up door to pantry
Thursday - Bowling with the Boys
Friday - my KIDS!

[Silver Fox]

I've read that the WAS works their way back slowly, through the kids, parents, and even the pets. You'll be last if she's starting to turn at all.

You're doing well.

[Sam1007]

Silver's got something there... The last thing a WAS wants to do is show affection for the LBS, that's almost like admitting guilt! I really think Silver is right on: the LBS will be the last to know she's thinking differently.

I would really stay the course and keep doing consistently what has worked so far. Give it some more time, things seem to be changing on her end, so you should not change anything. She seems to be enjoying doing things with the kids, that's a pretty big contrast to her usual behavior regarding the kids! See where this is going.