Hi Belle, I have not responded to you before. I am sinking in my marriage so I am always hesitant to give advice to others. I will keep you in my prayers. I know my husband's affair is constantly in the back of my mind and I often pray for peace for myself just so I can make it through the day. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Kelly
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
It seems he doesn't realize that looking to others for happiness won't work.
Why was I the one that made him unhappy?
And now that he has moved out and is having an affair, why is he still unhappy?
He needs to learn that he has to look to himself and to God for happiness. I don't want to be in a marriage where I am responsible for his happiness. That will be like fighting a losing battle and I'm not up for it.
I wonder when he will figure this out.
I certainly do not want to tell him; I am too "motherly" already.
Just some of my thoughts for the evening.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
and I think that they are all ON-TARGET ones, too.
This was (and is!) a very hard realization for me to come to, that I cannot be responsible for my wife's happiness, and she cannot be responsible for mine. We have to learn to basically be happy in our own skin, and then WANT the other person, but not NEED them in order to be whole.
And no, I don't think he has any CLUE of that yet. He is way fogged out on affair chemicals runnin' around his wayward little brain.
H called today - he wanted to wish me well on my SBB certification exam. I guess he remembered.
I asked him how he was doing and he said "OK, how are you doing?"
I said "OK"
He told me that he went to my church on Sunday (which he has never been to) - but he went to the later service. (This weekend, in my mind, I was dreaming that he would just show up to the service that I was at)
We chatted a bit about that, the ladies there actually knew him when he told them his name, and said "Oh there's a (our last name) that comes to the early service"
To which he replied (or so he says) "That's my wife"
Here's the part you may yell at me for Puppy, but I told him that I know I may have been a little harsh the other night.
He cut in and said "No, it was good you stood up for yourself - I've told you that many times, you need to stand up for yourself"
And then I told him that I'm still not giving up on our marriage despite the affair.
To which he replied "I know, there's some things I need to take care of and get straight, and then we can talk"
I agreed.
I know he's a cheater and I can't believe what he says, only what he does. If he eventually ends the affair, I don't know how I will know what he does since we don't live together and I don't have a GPS device on him.........(Ha Ha)
Oh, well, again, I'm trying to plan things that may not even happen.
He also mentioned that he hasn't been happy and maybe it's him that's the problem. To which I didn't resist the urge to reply that "You can't look to others to make you happy". He said that he agrees but also thinks that a certain percentage of happiness is from yourself but if you're married to someone, they also contribute to your happiness.
All in all, I feel a little better in that I got it through to him that we can talk when and if he ends the affair. I was still regreting missing that word "while" (I don't want to talk to you (while) - you are having an affair)
Puppy, I hope that you're not going to tell me I've done a lot of damage.
I'll be cringing when I open up your reply....
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
