Breakaway...she gets my sarcasm for the most part...and the funny thing about the talk that night is that it was light.
Very serious subject, but we have been at this so long now and had almost this exact conversation so many times that this time was different.
There were a couple of spots when we both got a little emotional, but I surprised myself, and her I think, with the "what the f**k does it matter at this point" attitude.
As far as me actually being mad...maybe, maybe not. When she texted me to say they were all at the house, I might have been a little pissed..but you know, me being pissed about something like that is the old me and I had talked myself out of it by the time I got home.
She has mentioned my behavior in the past and how if I was put in that position of coming home to house full of people...friends or her family...I could be pretty rude.
It's her home, too...it's one of her best friends(regardless of my opinion of her)..the dudes that were there were good guys.
Her asking me several times, and almost wanting to be reassured that I was not upset about it tells me not being made was the right thing to do.
I hear what you are saying...be mad..let it out. I did that for 20 years...it ruined my marriage.
I didn't say let it out, I said admit it. See this I fear is the flip side of trying to change some of that stuff. You said you were pissed, but then you "decided" not to be, because you're somehow not allowed to be mad about anything now.
The thing is...what upset your wife, was things like that making you mad, fairly or unfairly I can't judge, but you acted on it by being rude to people and embarrassing her or shaming her or whatever. Now, in order to be different, you say you're not mad.
I submit, nds, she needed all that reassurance and asked you THREE times because she could TELL you were mad. And then, while convincing yourself you were not mad you responded with sarcasm. So..instead of being aggressive, you're being passive-aggressive. You say it was light...well..it doesn't sound like it.
Of course I could be totally misreading it...I can only go off my own experience. But my husband will go through "I'm going to change and not be an [censored]" thing and he's just going to decide not to get mad, but of course, he still is. And it comes out in digs and in sarcasm.
Maybe the thing isn't to not get mad, it's to learn how to deal with angry feelings. It's dealing with anger, not just...not getting angry.
