Yoyo {{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}. Have not checked in till now.
First I will get back to you and send you some examples of Plan B letters. At this point you have nothing to lose.
That is the difference between DBing and Plan A/Plan B as described in Surviving an Affair.
In DB, it is a much longer drawn out process with no start/end date. It does work BUT the downside is that sometimes so much time passes that either the LBS or WS loses the love they have for the other and everything just fizzles out. (which sounds like your case)
Plan A is really DB, but you should set a time line and then go to Plan B - Go dark. No contact with H at all. If you have to talk about finances, kids whatever, you get a friend that could be a mediator or "go between" either through e-mail or text.
Most WS after a time lose the path to the way home. By giving them a Plan B letter it is a roadmap home with conditons set by the LBS for WS have to follow.
It is more agressive than DB but I think it has a higher success rate.
Most WS will kick and scream when Plan B goes into effect. Because they have had the "upper hand" so long it takes away their power. Plan B is almost a last resort technique.
Remember T2L who used to post here? She did a flawless Plan A and then went to Plan B (which was in effect for over 3 months), Now her WS is coming out of the fog and is moving out of apt with OW, trying to make reconcillation plans with T2L. At the beginning of Plan B, her WS was furious -- but she would not budge, she would hide out in her room or go out when H came for the kids, totally unavailable. Think it made him see what life would be like without her.
I am doing a Plan B but it is hard that we work together. Even though H filed D papers in Jan, H is finding reasons to stop me after meetings and asking D28 and SIL if they heard from me and they both tell him, we don't talk about you and change the subject. Only praying that H and OW will start to LB in the future. If not it helps keep my sanity and away from the drama.
Let me know if you still want more details. I will post a Plan B letter here as an example.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
