Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

Doesn't sting at all Sakaro. April 08 was when I discovered the latest attempt by W to get OM to visit. That's when I exposed to the kids.

Nothing has changed in what I need from her to stay in our marriage. NOTHING. If she refuses to give me those things, I won't stay married to her.

What has changed is how I feel about the urgency of it. What has changed is some advise I've received from FWAW's who have advised me to give her time.

Like I mentioned before, our marriage was GOOD prior to the A. I know a lot of people think that, but ours WAS. All the holes in the cheese lined up and the A happened. And like I mentioned a couple posts ago, I think what's holding us back right now is her shame/guilt, whatever you want to call it. And I also KNOW my wife is the most stubborn woman on the face of the planet. Which makes me feel that as long as I can put up with it, NO PRESSURE is the right way to go. Is that day coming when I can't put up with it anymore? Yes. Not there yet, but it's coming.

The other thing that keeps me going as is for now is that the economy sucks and right this minute, I don't have any other options. Let's say I draw the line in the sand and she says, ok, lets separate. I can't afford our house by myself. If we sold it, we would not get what we owe on it, so that's not an option. If I don't have any options in that regard, why not give her some more time? Maybe, just maybe, that's what she needs. Maybe she's not in contact with OM and her depressed moods come around because she's dealing with what she's done. If that's the case, pressure isn't the way to go, I don't think.

Last April, my boss told me if I needed a transfer, he would arrange it. I gave myself until Oct to see if we'd progressed or not. Come Oct we'd made what I thought was a significant break through so I told my boss to hold off on the transfer. Then our company, like so many others out there, went into budget cutting mode and with a transfer costing the company $70,000 (what we use for an estimate), they put a hold on non-critical moves. They've just dried up. So because we'd made some what I thought was good progress, I delayed the move. Now I'm kind of in a holding pattern with work.

Maybe I don't post enough of the good stuff I see her doing. Maybe I only post when I'm pissed. I know I posted a week or so ago, that I now feel like if I have to give her an ultimatum for her to get off the pot, I'm not sure I want it to work.

Since I don't have many options right now and we are getting along for the most part and I see how we connect when we go away, why not give her some time?

I know I deserve better. But I see her changing. Is it as fast as I'd like. NO. But like I said, since I have no options at this moment, why not act "as if" the things I'm doing are working and go from there?

I talked to my brother a week ago. He said the same things you did Sakaro. My response to him was "If we separated at this time, I'd be spending time with my boys and my friends. I still really enjoy W's company. She's intelligent, funny, sexy as he!!. I do just enjoy spending time with her. So if I would be spending time with my boys and friends if we separated, why not spend it with W?

I know I can't do it forever, but I can do it for another couple months.

And one other thing I don't think I've ever mentioned. W is greatly affected by the winter blah's. Every year she becomes a little depressed in the winter. And she's mentapausal. All those things just lead me to think that giving her another couple months isn't the end of the world.

I really do appreciate your concern. Everyone here on the board. But I've only got another week until S20 comes home for spring break and that'll be good family time. A couple weeks later, the trip up north with S16. 3 weeks later, the trip to Fla. So making it through to that time without the talk will be a piece of cake (I know I probably just jinxed myself).

Then the talk.