Hope, I'm afraid what I'm going to say might sting. Reading that you have another trip planned to Disney with your 'wife' just really made my stomach turn. This is probably the biggest most important decision you will ever make and I realize that you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say you gave it your best shot. No one ever implied this journey would be easy and you have been at this for so long. But...at some point , IMO, you have to realize that you cant reach your destination when you look down and notice you are walking on a treadmill. I went back to April 08 and found some very intelligent postings from a guy on here, and that guy was you Hope.
{but I will not stay in the marriage forever if she's not willing to give me what I need.
But if she's lying to me about any kind of contact I will immediately file for divorce and custody and expose why to her family. She's agreed to get rid of the affair stuff. Like I've said many times, I'm done. If I found out today that she was lying to me and still contacting/seeing him, I would walk immediately. Thing is, where I'm at right now, I only hope for us to have a chance, for the kids. Because, for me, I could give a rats a**. But if I'm going to give this a chance for the kids, she's going to have to see me in a somewhat good light before she'll be ready to commit. Not a WEAK light, but a good light.
I can see becoming the WAS VERY EASILY, if she doesn't start making the effort soon. I've spent the last 8 months with her rubbing this affair in my face. I've spent the last 10 months letting her steal from me everything I ever trusted and believed in. And still she acts as if I'M the one that has done something wrong. She still acts like she was completely justified in having the affair, and this is who she is and if I don't like it, tough. Well, if this is who she is, I have NO desire to be with her. Not now, not in a couple years, never. And it's just a shame, because there is now never any chance to know just how good our marriage ever could have been if she'd have spoken up as to issues she had in the marriage BEFORE sleeping with him. But she just doesn't get that. Lately I find myself having fantasies of my life going forward without her. Making plans for my life with my boys separate from the pain and hurt that is life with WW. And to be brutally honest, I'm beginning to wonder if all these years I've just ignored her selfishness and this affair has just brought to light what I've been ignoring all along?
I'd LIKE it to work out, for both of us and the kids, but if it doesn't, I'm ok with whatever comes. And for it to work, she's going to have to make the effort now. I'm done chasing. 1) No contact. No contact letter approved by me. Blocking his email/IM address. Discuss what we can do to ensure no contact. I state if she slips and makes contact but tells me about it I will not be angry. If she makes contact and I find out and she hasn't told me or lied to me about it I will immediately see a lawyer to begin separation proceedings.
2) She gets rid of all Affair baggage. Victoria's Secret wear that she purchased specifically to be with him, pictures, cards, notes etc. Told her this will go a long way towards showing me she's serious about trying to make this work.
3) Either pro-marriage counseling or some books of my choosing on how to recover from an affair.
4) We share with the kids these three things so if she fails to do any one of them they will know why I'm seeking a separation/divorce.}
That was almost a year ago Hope. It IS TIME for the talk. You know you deserve better then you are getting, and we know you deserve better. It IS TIME that your 'wife' realizes this too!
