I read something on another board that I feel is so true in our case and I thought I'd share. This guy said his W had an A and because it was so against her morals to do it, she had to be "in love" with her OM and had to "hate" her H to justify it. And now that the A is over, his W is hanging on to the idea that she never loved her H because to admit otherwise, she would have to face what she's done.
I know I've read that same thing here in one fashion or another a number of times, but I think that fits our sitch to a "T".
My wife does this as well -- alarmingly, it's been more LATELY, if anything. She brings up me sleeping on the couch as "not helping with the distance" in our marriage, and conveniently ignores the fact that I NEVER did that in the first 18 years or so of the nearly sexless marriage. It was only in the last two or three, and only after her affair, that I did this because (and I told her this) it's too difficult to lay next to her every night when she has no interest in a physical relationship with me.
But lately, she keeps phrasing it in such a way that I created the distance, when she knows that's bullchit. In any event, I called her on it, and will continue to do so.
I do think this scenario fits your wife, H4U, and is responsible for the stasis.
