Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

Well it has finally been confirmed W has been sleeping with the OW since November. It is not just an EA like I thought. I was so trusting and gullible. I believed all the lies and so much more. I just feel numb right now. She doesn't know that I know about the OW. I also found out the she has been stealing money from our accounts. She had some excuses but not good ones and so I am going to my lawyer tomorrow to figure out how to protect myself from her taking money or charging up a bunch of debt.

In some sense I feel like a weight has lifted. I know that it REALLY wasn't my fault and I can stop beating myself up. I can stop doubting my instincts like I have for months. And now my path is clear. I have to ask her to leave the house. I can not allow her to live here and support her while she is sleeping with this other woman.

And lastly I actually feel very sorry for W. What I learned about the OW is really bad. Not to get to graphic but apparently this is one sided sex. The OW won't touch W and is basically just using her for sex and doesn't really care about her. She will not allow anyone even their best friends to know. She goes back and forth between can't do this and you aren't paying enough attention to me. The OW is really ashamed of what they are doing and not the part where W is cheating on me. So W is ruining her life and all her friendships (friends are dumping her left and right because she is being so bad to our family.) She is not going to be able to finish school and will have her kids only part of the time and all of that for some woman who doesn't care about her and is ashamed of their relationship. I can imagine that when I tell W that I want her to move out she will call OW to say she needs a place to stay and OW will say Whoa hold on I don't think so. She is going to be so devistated and hurt by this whole things. Maybe I am crazy but I do feel really sorry for her. She is so crazy right now that she has no idea how distructive she is being to herself.

I am going to hold on to this information until I talk to the lawyer and get my ducks in a row and protect myself. I'm sure she will get desperate once she knows I know.

I am also going to wait until we have our agreement about what happens with alimony and the kids in writing and filed with the courts before I out this woman. She is the secretary at our kids school. I think the principle needs to know that one of her employees is sleeping with one of the parents and broke up their marriage. I am also going to make sure that lots of the parents know about what they are doing. OW didn't want anyone to know she was sleeping with another woman then she shouldn't have picked a married woman. I think it will pretty much ruin her life and force her to quit working at that school and go somewhere else.

But for now I can only fantasize about how the OW will feel when everyone finds out. I need to be very patient and protect myself and my kids first.