Your last post really struck a chord with me. I know I've been DBing for a lot less time than you and have a long way to go but the way you described your sitch sounds exactly how I feel a lot of the time. I found out last night that my biggest cheerleader for reconcilliation (my W's grandmother) has been saying to other people that she feels sorry for me because I'm still hoping my W will come back but in her opinion that's very unlikely. That brings my support for saving my M at home to a big fat zero. Plenty people humour me I'm sure but nobody seems to believe I can actually do anything about it. It's soul destroying and it's really starting to have an effect on the way I look at my sitch. I know its early days but right now it feels completely hopeless.
Back to you though, you've been doing so well recently but I understand that the constant strain of DBing is bound to take its toll eventually. Yes everyone has their bad days. I think that the key is to try and make these few and far between.
I can see how moving your family away can seem so attractive right now. Believe me, if I thought there was any way I could move away but keep regular visitation with Wee Man I'd probably be doing it tomorrow. I know in myself that it would be running away though. Yes it would help me learn to get on with my life without my W but isn't that something I should face head-on and deal with for the best possible future for Wee Man whether we're together or not. I still love my W for who she was. I wouldn't take her back now if she remained who she is. It just wouldn't work. I'm in love with a memory, not a person. The love I have for Wee Man is real though and I could never leave because of him. I know your H doesn't seem to care who he's hurting here but how would it affect him if you moved his kids away? If my W did that to me I don't know how I would cope. It would destroy me.
Sorry if that sounded harsh because I'm 100% on your side but they are his kids too. Have you even mentioned the move as a possibility to him? Like Karen said, make sure it's for the right reasons and not just to run away.
I really hope today finds some more joy for you than you had yesterday. Take care.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
