But I definitely feel a huge wall between us and no matter how hard I try to act 'as if' and sound cheerful and just be happy, I feel that the wall is so solid, there is no give at all on his part. It's not that he is rude or anything but extremely distant and deliberately so.
My H is like that too. Often acting distant or angry. I'm thinking they act this way, basically pushing us away. Has to be hard to stay with OW and not our lovable, faithful selves. So they act distant and angry. And sometimes I've found out that it had nothing to do with me: his job was being stressful or the kids. Nothing to do with us sometimes. I was kind of surprised last night; H and I had a normalish conversation; he wasn't pushing me away like always. Probably was too tired b/c he had the kids the past 5 days...
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The thing is if someone doesn't want to try, there is no convincing them. Even if you DB your but* off.
I agree with this, which is why you have to learn to DB for yourself and your kids. You know the OW isn't perfect and in some way is deeply flawed or wouldn't be with a married man.
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What do you do when your spouse thinks so negatively about you? I felt rejected all over again. I feel like a failure around him. I feel like rubbish that he has thrown away.
I have that too. He's said so much stuff; but seriously it's about them not us. I've read in many places here a lot of this stuff is projection: our WAS feel badly about themselves and project this onto us. I think that's why sometimes it's smart to NC or go dark so you don't go crazy with this kind of stuff or thinking about it too much.
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BTW, on Sat night, I went out and told H so, keeping it very mysterious. I asked H to come over Sun morning to look after the kids and get them breakfast cause I will be late home on Sat. He said OK and showed up and got them ready and everything. Maybe he was mad at me. I don't know but he was very cold all day. Then again like every Sunday night, he rushed the kids to sleep so he can get out to meet OW. Very stressful the last couple of hours of the night because he is rushing everyone, can't relax and enjoy.
Good job on the GALing and keeping busy, but you need to not focus on him or his reactions to your GALing. You are getting a great life, and don't think about his reactions to that.
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He is complaining a lot about money though. It's expensive to keep a family and another apartment for himself (if he hasn't moved in with her but maybe he has) and his own social life and also OW's various meals and expenses. I am not going to needle him about it but reality of finances is getting him anxious.
I think you've got a good attitude about this, and I think that's a good thing. Consequences are good.
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I don't want to be so upset on the weekends anymore. I want to live peacefully. I think it's almost time to move back home.
I know you've been thinking about that. I do think you should make good choices for you. I don't think you should do it if it's to runaway or it's all about him which is how you are sounding today. I know it's hard if not impossible, but you have to decide if moving is right for you and your family, and not just to escape your sitch.
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My patience if running thin. I am not so certain that he will come home. I am missing my H and ready to work on my M. But he is not even entertaining the idea. So what do I do?
I think you need to work on your patience. Keep GALing and keeping busy and don't worry about his reactions, distance or whatever. I have always felt positive about your situation. I think at some point your H will realize what a treasure you are and want to work on your M. And if he doesn't ever, then you will find someone that will truly appreciate you. (((((PM)))))) Karen
