Life after exposure

[Still Waters]

This evening I made the mistake of having nothing planned to do, so I sat around watching TV and playing with my cat. That's when I started thinking about my sitch...

DBing tip: make yourself as busy as possible! I have been doing a great job at this, but you can't fill every second of every day!

So I started thinking about filing for a D tonight. The part of me that says that I don't deserve this was puffing out his chest, saying, "You're a good, strong man, with a good heart, and lots of love to give. Why are you putting up with this nonsense? Especially since you don't have any kids to think about?"

I guess I look in the mirror these days and I really like who I am. The one thing that bothers me is that my W is out and about doing Lord knows what with OM. It's one thing to tell my W that while I still have hope I am moving on. But unless I file, am I REALLY moving on? It's more like I'm acting "as if" I'm moving on, when really I'm not.

Sure, I'm doing things for me now and not worrying about whether or not my W sees the changes I'm making. But I'm still married to this woman who seems to have zero interest in me and would rather live alone and date other guys than be with me.