If your wife is indeed having a crisis of sorts, then you have alot of work to do, and with that comes an abundance of patience.
She does sound like an incredibly spoiled Princess, who is used to having things done her way, and I guess that is what irks me about some of the things you have described.
BND, You're not the first poster to use the term princess with my W. She works 25 hours per week, and has free time to pursue interests, sleep in, and take naps. She occassionally comments that she wants to be a princess, and thinks of herself as high maintenance.
I do think she fits MLC more so than WAS. I think she is on a journey of the self, and hasn't figured out happiness yet. She's turning 50 this year. She doesn't think she's going to live a long life (smoker with chronic cough), so she possibly creates an urgency in her mind about the intimacy issues.
I think the lack of intimacy in the M is the main issue, from her perspective. It's been a longstanding problem. Her perspective is that I have the problem and should work on it in IC. My perspective is that there is a relational element, in that we need to create a R for intimacy to flourish. She won't go to MC.
When I try to talk to her about this issue, she tells me that I'm blaming externals for my issue. She only valildates me if I tell her what I'm working on to improve myself.
I do need to continue to find 180's to change the relational patterns. I do have assertiveness issues, and have a history of being passive-aggressive. I'm going to look into the Dance of Anger book you recommend.
My contribution to the intimacy problem is that I allow her to be disrespectful to me, and suck it up as you say. I think this pattern is an intimacy killer for me (or am I making excuses, as she suggests)? I notice the author of the book you suggest, also has a book out on intimacy patterns between couples.
What is the Taming of the Shrew about? I don't know much about Shakespeare. I like to read creative nonfiction, such as literary and personal essays.
Thanks for your questions and helping me to sort this out. It helps to have a fresh set of ears and a different perspective.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
