If you go back to the DR book you will see this as the classic thinking of a WAW and how to deal with her, the stitch and your feelings. I really do hear a repeated dialogue between you despite changes. You are responding to them well. It took her a long time to get to this point so just stick to the plan.
She feels defensive, has long standing complaints, and she talks to you like a parent to a child reinforcing her beliefs about your R. Your responses must remain adult like and resisting the temp to act out. Bring her up to the level of convo where she is reminded that you are equals and can deal with things as equals.
