Newly Seperated - What To Do?

[Still Waters]

Hey Uncool, we're somewhat alike. I'm an ex college football player who majored in English!

Anyway, I've been at this DBing stuff since November and it does get easier. The first three months were hell, but I've finally reached a point where I feel pretty good. The key was getting to a point where I could really detach and focus on myself.

Things like getting a new job (that pays more), getting into great shape, getting a social life, all help so much. Because right now, all we can control is ourselves. I really believe that there is nothing we can say or do to bring our spouses back to us. They're off on their own messed-up journeys, and all we can do is take care of ourselves so that IF they come back, we're ready.

But it takes SO long to really learn that lesson. I heard it from the DR book and from people on here right away, and I understood what they were saying. But it took months before I really got it AND lived it.

For me, after I discovered and exposed my W's affair (and she refused to try to work on our R) is when I was able to drop the rope. There were a few fits and starts, but now I really have let go. I don't contact her, I don't monitor her phone or email, and my focus is on me.

Lately I've been working extra hours to save up money to go on a long 4-week long trip to southeast Asia and China with a couple of my friends. And I'm not even going to tell my W about it. Not a peep. And it feels really good. A few months ago I would be on the phone telling my W all about my plans, hoping she'd be impressed. Which is the wrong way to think. I'm doing this for one person only. Me.