I am now living 10 hour drive away from her. We have had a little contact since I left a week ago.
She tells me that this time in our separation is different than it was earlier. This time she has hope for our marriage. This time she realizes it was not just me that was the cause of the break down.
She told me she is working on her.
If that is true and I am here trying to better my self and she is bettering her self. That leads me to the original reason I started this thread.
I am really not a jealous person but I feel it now. The fact that she replaced me so fast or at all. The fact that today she might be with him, The fear that just because I stumbled into depression she had to end our relationship regardless of an affair worries me.
I think I could forgive her but could I really? Will I ever feel safe in that if something were to happen to me like loss of the physical ability to earn a living etc.
How does one get through this in a separation when they can't look to their spouse for reassurance? How does that translate into saving the marriage. I don't mean getting over her, I mean how does one put the issues and spouse into a perspective that is recoverable for reconciliation as I am sure that if I sat here telling myself how wonderful I am and how much I deserve better than her and what she did is unforgivable, I could probably convince myself that I don't want or need her and that she was cruel to me, but I need to figure out how to forgive her if I am going to be happy with or even without her. HOW THE HECK IS THAT TO BE DONE!
Remember, she is looking at the marriage again so is "darkness" really recommended at this point?
We talked recently about both of our fear but desire to have a child very soon in our life and what we need to do to make that go smother like eliminate our small amount of debt, have jobs with health insurance etc.
I would really like to work through all of those questions.
