I love watching the show just to see human behavior. It is quite funny even when it isn't suppose to be. I got to wondering about his first marriage. Was he the one to divorce because of lack of passion, etc.? Then, after the initial lust/passion with Melissa wore off, he went to Molly....seems like it could be a trend. Just realizing that love changes and you get to a point where you really need to work at the passion is what was huge for me. That thought escapes so many people.
That show should be called The Narcissist. It's INSANE.
Let's get the biggest egotist we can find, someone who thinks women should publicly compete for him, because he's so special...and then get a bunch of equally unstable women to DO IT. Pick me, no pick me, I can give you MORE. Then we can BOTH get our megalomaniac faces on magazine covers.
Oh, you guys are exactly right. If there was ever a more F'd up show in the world, I don't know what it is. And some women LOVE it. What's that say about our world?
Everything is going the same here. Weekends great, weekdays, she's different.
We've had a great time so far this weekend. Went on a little tour of Amish country yesterday. She's talking about the future, etc, there's lots of body contact, I had my hand on her leg in the car quite a bit and she even would move her hand there and kind of hold my hand. Golly did that feel good.
At one point we were sitting in our favorite winery/gift shop having a glass of wine and W started talking about EGF's upcoming wedding and all the stuff she's having to go through to get married in the Catholic Church because her BF is Catholic and she's not. I just sat and listened. W said something about the BF's parents possibly not knowing about one of EGF's two marriages. I said "If I was his dad, I would be concerned" and W kind of got snippy with me. I said "I'm not trying to be mean, but if I was his dad I would be concerned. She's 26, has been married and divorced twice, the last marriage only ended a year ago and now she's engaged to my son?" W said "you're just trying to be mean". I said "no I'm not, can you honestly tell me that if OUR son came home at 26 and said he was going to marry a woman he's only dated for one year that is also 26 and has been married and divorced twice already, and our son has a great job and makes a lot of money that you wouldn't be concerned?" W said "she's not like that". I said, "she might not be, but she's still pretty young and obviously has not made some very good decisions so far, so I would be concerned".
So then W went into how F'd up EGF's family is, dad is a drug addict, mom is an alcoholic, step dad used to slap EGF around and I just listened. It was everything I could do to not throw out about a thousand truth darts there, but I didn't. EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES. Guess that's why W and EGF get along so well. They can sit around and tell each other that none of what they've done in life is their fault and they have no responsibility for what they've done.
But it didn't change her mood for the day. We left there, headed home and went to dinner at the little restaurant down the hill from us. W crashed on the couch fairly early and ended up sleeping there for the night. That's ok with me. It was a really good day and I don't know if it means I'm detaching more and more or what, but I just don't know if I really would be all that upset if we didn't make it in the end. Of course, it doesn't help that I just watched "Leaving Sarah Marshall". If you've never seen it, make a point to. Kind of makes me feel like I'd be better off on my own.
Talk to everyone later.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I don't know how you do it. It's like every time you post, I feel like "Yea!!!" and then two seconds later, I think "Friggin he!!"...
We are all not the same people. I think it is hard when as a couple there are not "couple friends". If that makes sense. It has been very hard for H and I to find other couples that we are friends with and both like each of the partners. So this is what I was thinking. Do you have someone you work with who has a nice wife that you could invite over to dinner? I wouldn't make it out like, "so you can meet a normal person"...lmao...but yeah, it is so that she could meet a normal person.
Just to put some other possible girlfriends in her life that have a more healthy view of the world.
Maybe? Maybe I am offbase.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
That's definitely a problem Mel. Before we relocated, we had 3 sets of couples that we were VERY close with. When we did stuff with other people, it almost ALWAYS included them. But after we relocated, W's job is working with a large number of people she really can't stand except for.....wait for it.....OM and EGF. Imagine that. And it's funny that when we do get together with those couples on the rare occasion we're in our hometown, she's a totally different person. Couldn't have been a worse situation to set this up from happening if we'd have tried. And one of the guys W works with that she can't stand warned her the first week she was there that OM was always fishin for women even though he was married and she fell for it anyway.
I read something on another board that I feel is so true in our case and I thought I'd share. This guy said his W had an A and because it was so against her morals to do it, she had to be "in love" with her OM and had to "hate" her H to justify it. And now that the A is over, his W is hanging on to the idea that she never loved her H because to admit otherwise, she would have to face what she's done.
I know I've read that same thing here in one fashion or another a number of times, but I think that fits our sitch to a "T". I see it when W and I are away and we connect. I see it when W has a couple of drinks and forgets all the rationalization b.s. I see it when it's the weekend or she's on vacation away from work, but then she goes back to work and either contacts OM or EGF fills her head with crap and she's right back to the rationalizing, entitled, justified wayward mindset. This weekend was a perfect example. Friday night was nice. Saturday had a great time, Sunday a lazy day around the house. W did laundry, I went grocery shopping and we just hung out. I did some reading and W was engaged with me all day. But today is back to work and I'm sure she'll be different again when we get home tonight.
The more this goes on the more sure I am that it will come to a point where I've finally had enough and I'll walk and then she'll figure it out and want to make it work. The thing I wonder is if I'll even care when that happens.
I'm sure in her mind she's trying. I'm almost 100% sure she wants us to be together in the long run. I see it in how she acts with the kids, I see it in how she talks about our future, I see it in how she is when she's NOT at work, but there's still that wayward mindset that she was justified and it's all my fault. And I feel that she thinks it's ok to be "friends" and talk with OM and it's not affecting us and how she feels about me.
So...I know a lot of you are going to say I need to confront her, but at this minute, I'm not going to. I'm going to give her more time to figure it out on her own and when I can't take it anymore, then I'll confront.
Maybe that's the wrong path to take, but it's the one I'm going to.
Last edited by Hope4us; 03/09/0912:22 PM.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
What you read on the other site is very true. Looking in that mirror, admitting all you have done, is the hardest thing to do. It's not just a short hurdle to get over, it is something that comes up in your life often, and without the justification, you are hit with it over and over and over like a neverending 2 x 4.
Soooo...until she faces this, she will continue to act the way she is. She may be facing this internally. I guess that's your only hope since you don't want to confront.
I worry about your plan to wait....basically, and tell me if I'm wrong, you are waiting until you have been through this so long that you can't take it anymore, and by then you won't care what she says or does, and then you leave her.
The talking...the communication.. about the way she is acting is a process. It's something that will need to be discussed, and rediscussed. I'm afraid you are going to wait and then have this ONE talk, and then if she doesn't say the right things, you leave, because by then you have basically no love left and no fight left in you.
WDID, Sad thing is, I almost feel like I'm there already. I've almost had "the conversation" a number of times the last week.
But I do have a plan. Continue to have these great weekends, try to get her to open up more and more, continue to call her on her "attitude" when she has them with me. Easter weekend, S16, my brother and I are going to the U.P. of Mich for 4 days. Not going to contact her the whole time we're gone. Cell coverage is spotty up there . A month later, our trip to Disney where I know we'll connect. And then see if she changes again when we come home from the trip. If she does, that's when I'll have the talk.
And when that talk happens, it's not like I'm leaving that day. I'll still have to wait until my transfer comes through, so part of that talk will be that I don't know what's going on with her, but something is different when she's at work and I suspect it's continued contact with OM and if it's not that it's EGF and if it's not that it's something going on with her when she's at work that's holding her back and I'm done trying and if she wants to try to make it work she's going to have to be the one to show me and give me what I need since this whole thing has been about her, including this so called recovery that we've been in.
I understand completely what you're saying about it coming up often. Last night we were watching Desperate Housewives and one of the Housewives confronted another lady that was having an A with her H's boss. There was a lot said that hit the nail right on the head and I know it had to have an affect on my W. I guess, by giving her another couple months I'm hoping she more and more gets through this. I know many people here say I should confront right now, but I've got it laid out how I want it and when I've got a goal in sight, like the trip in a couple months, I can continue with the PMA and GAL and we'll see where it goes.
Thanks for the insight WDID. You're the best.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
. A month later, our trip to Disney where I know we'll connect. And then see if she changes again when we come home from the trip. If she does, that's when I'll have the talk.