Quick update-Wife isn't back yet. She sent me a text message at 9:45 saying she landed. It's 11:09 and she never called. While it's not late for her to get back from the airport I would have thought she would have at least called me to let me know she's on the road. No matter. But I don't have a response yet. I'll post when I do.
DrHemlock- Make sure it's LRT time before you start the LRT. That should be saved for a last resort. Remember, I've been going through this for three years now and I'm just getting around to the LRT. I can tell you things look pretty grim for me, but I don't allow that to show through. I keep at it. The thing is, I'm assuming your W gave you reasons for the D. By giving you a heads up, she's at least given you a chance to try. Listen to what Kassie said and truly figure out what you want to change. The thing is whatever it is you are changing you have to make sure you're not doing it while watching her for a reaction. What I mean by that is keep at it. As a complete hypothetical, if she told you that she thinks you don't do anything around the house, then you need to start. But more importantly you need to keep doing it, regardless of her reaction. Don't expect anything at first. Trust me, she'll notice. But she's going to think that you are simply reacting to the D and so she may take a step back. But keep at it. If she says anything about it just say "You know what, you were right about me not helping out enough. So I've decided that I should." Then shut up. Believe me, I know. You're going to want to keep that conversation going for better or for worse, and in the beginning it can always be for worse. If she says something, listen to what she says and respond, but do not fall into the trap of arguing. For instance, if she says that you are only doing it because of the divorce, just take it in stride. Of course she's going to think that. But instead of defending yourself in an argumentative way, your best bet is to say something like "Well, I'll admit, you told me you wanted a divorce I was taken back. But I started thinking about it and started to see why you might think that way. So I decided that I should really start helping out around here more."
The trick is, and believe me this is one of my biggest faults, to end the conversation on a positive, even if the conversation is negative. You don't want to reinforce anything she might already be thinking.
