An Update from Superstar!

[Superstar]

I ask her to re-consider MC. She refuses. "I'm done...I'm pretty sure I never loved you and I'm positive I don't love you now!". She says I just need to "get over" OM already. I give her two choices: Respect this home and stop contacting OM while we are still married, or leave. She chooses #2 and packs up her clothes and leaves for her parents'(10 minute drive). She is pissed.

This is where you went in the wrong direction. You shouldn't have given her a choice. She had already told you that she doesn't love you and what she had decided. You didn't listen. You should have shown her how well you heard her by immediately saying something like this"
"Since you feel that way, then here is what I have decided, you need to pack up your clothes and leave."


Strong.. but nice....

9/28: I'm served at work with D papers. Turns out she had consulted a L on 8/21, prior to the bomb. She had the L working on D papers before she even dropped the bomb.

See? She had already decided. You did the right thing by forcing her to quit cake eating.

10/1: GAL begins. 180s begin.

10/4: I invite her over for her favorite dinner (I'm a good cook) in an attempt to reduce the open hostility. Two minutes before the entree is served, her phone rings...OM...she actually answers and has a conversation standing not 10' from me and S7. "I will not have you disrespect me, our home, and our family...you need to leave. Now." On her way out I tell her that when she is willing to work on M, that I will be here, but as long as OM is in the picture that she needs to limit contact to D or child matters.

Another tactical error here. The 180 should have been to leave her alone and only communicate with her about "business or family matters" with a matter of fact attitude. Inviting her over to dinner after what she has done and what you told her is nothing more than pursuit. Pursuit does NOT work. You can't earn her love and respect back by telling her she can't take a phone call from the OM, while you are inviting her over to dinner KNOWING she has OM. You are communicating to her that you will still be there for her and invite her over while she is having an affair, but by golly you will set your boundaries that she can't take a call from him while she is with you. Don't you see that you are sending conflicting messages about your boundary?
You should not have invited her to dinner after you stood your ground and told her to move.

10/5-Today: I am 62 pounds lighter. GAL continues for ME. 180s are not 180s anymore, they are habit. Dark is a way of life, but she probably gets as much out of it as I do as it allows her to reduce some guilt. We have probably spoken 10 words since October, which considering we have 2 kids, it is pretty dang dark. Not once have I seen any glimmer of hope from her, no emails, no texts, just POOF! she was gone. I said before it feels more like my wife died rather than a D and this feeling still stands.

You can't see it or feel it, but this is the smartest thing you have done. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF.. She IS thinking. Hold the line on this. Let HER do the wondering if SHE has screwed up. This was a very smart thing for you to do. Stick with it.

So desperate is she to run away, she has given up claim to pretty much everything. She is leaving our ~500K estate with $2500 cash and a formal dining set. I keep the house and everything else. Custody is 50/50. I only pay her 20% of the difference in our salaries for CS. My L says take it and run...let her use this screwing as a lesson for her next D.

Dark helped me control my emotions, but it really didn't do anything for my R. I know that while she is involved with OM that there is really nothing to be done anyway, but sometimes I wonder if dark only served to push her further away. Either way, It had to be done for my sanity and emotional health.

Nope. Dark was the correct choice. By dark, I mean that you will not contact her. Let her make the next move. It is crucial.

My 18th anniversary is on the 16th and I think that will be a hard day for me but we shall see. It's been hard for me to not backslide, but I haven't and I am proud of that.

You should be proud. You are now doing the correct thing. She can't respect you or love you if you don't stand strong. Women are attracted to strong men. You are showing strength. Don't worry.. She now knows and feels that. The clock is ticking for her. She needs to wonder if she has lost you and wonder if it is too late. She could be going back and forth with those very thoughts as we speak. Leave her to her thoughts.

Ahh hindsight!

Yup, I agree with everything you said Gucci. Everything.

Puppy told me. Phoenix told me.

The thing was, I JUST DIDN'T GET IT until this moment in time. The phone call from OM put the steel back into my spine and I resolved that I could not live as a cuckold any longer.

I don't know if she loves me anymore or not, but I DO know that she respects me. Throw in the fact that I can respect myself again and I think it is a pretty good bargain.