How he's treating you after you ML, doesn't seem to be working for you. I know that you know that you're worth much more than being his "booty call". I'm not trying to be harsh, but it seems like that's what it is to him, considering how he treats you afterward.
Are you afraid to not ML, that he'll go -- or has already gone --elsewhere?
I'm afraid if I give it up, we'll lose what closeness we do have. It's better than it was, but worse than it could be, if that makes sense. On the other hand, it all feels superficial to me.
Not sure if he would go elsewhere or not. As long as he doesn't, in his mind, he maintains the upperhand in this relationship. If he goes elsewhere then that makes him no better than me, and that is the prolly the last thing he wants.
We'll see. He finally called but only to ask me to pick up S13 for his soccer game, and oh, by the way, he needs socks, can you stop at walmart before the game? lmao.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Touching is alot. I know. I don't get to touch my W anymore. I wish I could. But in your case, its probably better to hold off on the ML until you see more progress. He is probably just getting a booty call and then off on his way. I know that probably hurts, but its probably the truth at this point.
No ML. Gotta contain yourself. You can do it. Make him earn it. If you ML to him and then he didn't even invite you to dinner, that would make me quit if I were you.
Of course being a guy, I can't resist my W when she provides it. A weakness of mine. But she isn't providing anymore to me. OM gets it all now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Mel, Don't give up if this what you want. I see this as a positive step. He's calling you! He still cares. Don't discount what you have/had. Be careful. You are doing good. You have to keep working at it. One step at a time. Keep your chin up. Sounds like he needs you.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Just PO'd for no good reason. Everything has been cheery-o lately. Invited for lunch on Sunday after I was here complaining. LMAO. Then drove around looking at countryside for awhile.
Monday emails me and says he signed up for last class for his CCAF (like associate's degree) and that it's an 8 week course. I'm like, cool, we'll be graduating together! Whose will watch the kids at graduation? I'm laughing, but happy and proud of both of us. He says he will sit it out and just get his mailed to him. I say no, if we are both graduating, we are walking across that stage, carrying the kids, together. Dumb me. He prolly doesn't want to be seen with me. He emails back "we'll see how it goes, but it sounds good!"
By that time, I was like, whatever. It's like he thinks that maybe we could make it work, but he doesn't want everyone else (his supervisors and friends or whoever) to know about it. They can all kiss my lily white ...you know what...
and now ya'll can all tell me i got mad for no reason! All i saw was the "we'll see how it goes" which translated to "I really don't want to" for me.
something else we could have accomplished together that could help us start to rebuild, and it's just not gonna happen and I was stupid to think it would.
oh well.
melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
I just went to go pick up my clothes from the cleaners. And we are coming back and H pulls up beside me...and I grin because I am happy to see him...and then I realize he is taking stuff over the girl's new apartment. So I turn off and just really pretty much let them go. He has s13 with him. So at least I'll find out how long they were there for. It just amazes me. I have an A and I don't want my kids anywhere near the guy. He doesn't have an A, but he has a girl move in with him for 4 months and he is more than happy to have the kids around her as much as he wants because he thinks *that* is appropriate.
And I want to stay married to this because WHY?????
Okay. Vent over.
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Easy tiger, you are still doing good. Somethings just don't make sense. If he is emailing you about CCAF, he still wants/needs you. He is trying in my mind to show you that. Like you told me the other day, worry about the reconcilliation when it happens. If he doesn't want to walk across the stage at the same time as him cause he's too embarrassed, that's his problem. I mean, come on.
I'll tell you why you want to stay married to this. Because you've built a life with him, invested your time, money and emotions into this person and he knows you and you know him, that's why.
From the words of a wise woman with a masters degree--chillax!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I know you are right, Bub. But sometimes, dang, it is just so much garbage to get past!! For both of us, I know.
Okay.
Chillaxing.
Thinking about the firepit at the hotel in Point Clear with ocean in the distance. Thinking about that Point Clear of Stress drink. Beer? They make a mean mint julip, too.
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
If thats what it takes to calm you down, keep thinking about that beer and the getaway.
Hopefully he will walk with you. You never know, he might. Thats a positive though that he did let you know. I'd take it that way anyways.
And yes, yall have a long history together. And its worth fighting for. Maybe now that OW is more out of the picture than before, he is starting to think about you again eh?
Don't give up. You are much stronger than I am. Keep up the good work.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
H broke his leg Friday night. Friday night, OW and I were in the ER with him together. That was really nice. She forced her way in and since he wanted her there, guess what. Yeah, I stayed. Dumb me. She leaves. She comes back at 10pm and stays while I am there until 11pm and then she leaves and I am pissed so I leave, too.
Saturday. I go from 8 til 1 in the afternoon. I leave and all his friends show up including her. They stay for awhile and he calls me about 6 or 7 to let me know I can go back. Nice, I know. So I go back for a few hours. No one else shows up. I leave at 10.
Sunday. He has surgery. I am pretty much the only one there until 5pm. I go get daughter and come back. We stay for about 45 mins. We leave to go get her a burrito and I pass the OW on the road going to the hospital. Nice. So we eat and I do a drive by. I don't text him immediately cause I want to calm down long enough to not be a snot. I text him about 45 mins later and said we were gonna stop but OW was there so we are home now. He says "So I can't clay cause OW was here" and I said I am not going to go up there so that she can disrespect me. He says "Like you don't disrespect her?" And at that point I quit texting. Called his mom and she is pissed at him. WTF is he thinking that it's all just kosher??? What planet does he live on???
So no contact last night after that, of course. This morning I took Clay by cause no one else was there and she wanted to. Then H calls me to go pick up his cell phone charger so that he can call and text everyone about how he is hurt, etc...geez he's already bragging, talking about it on facebook. He kept the cell phone on him in the ER so that he could call and text everyone about what had happened. It's just amazing, really. So I miss the phone call this morning. Meeting. And I'm at work. And I'm tired of him putting his friendship with her before our marriage. If he doesn't respect the marriage, then get a friggin divorce already!! No one is stopping him! I've told him I would sign the paperwork already! So I call him when I realize he has called and he says it is already taken care of. I say, oh, okay, well, let me know if you need anything and hang up. I thought we both hung up. It sounded like he hung up. Then he texts me and says, "wth, Melissa"??
I have already decided to tell him if he asks me to take care of him that I would gladly do it, but OW will not be allowed in/around the house. Otherwise, I can't do it. Not my problem. Let him suffer the natural consequences of his actions.
So I didn't text anything back yet.
Puppy, I could really use a good truth dart, or something. I'm too friggin emotional and can't get calm. It's how I always am when I am hurt too much. The ER doesn't bother me. Blood, fine. Car accident, fine, I am good, adrenaline kicks in, I function great. But hurt me emotionally, and I am a friggin....I don't know what. Mush.
HELP!
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
