To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[Sanderika]

brandnewday you are quick to reply....I think you have got me again....I am speechless!!!

I actually treat everyone around me the same now not just H. H is the one I still feel awkward around and with good reason giving his actions and choices.

NOW, I am very hesitant to speak to H about R, son, house and money issues. We are still in the mode where I listen to him and he goes on and on about himself. I try and validate his thoughts and feelings and try to offer compassion for his issues unrelated to us.

I did spend a huge sum remodeling the outside of our house last summer and fall without H consent or assistance of any kind, it turned out beautiful and H admits he likes it. Right there he saw a very strong me, I wouldn't have taken that on alone before, it was my changes that brought me the confidence to do it.

I agree with you that our old marriage is dead. Where do I go from here to take it to reconcile? I feel downright dumb about this R and feel I am not worldly enough to fix what I still need to fix. It sounds to me that I still have to fix more of me.

The odds aren't good for me.

#1: OW still in picture.

#2: I don't contact H ever.

#3: H doesn't make contact enough, I haven't seen him since 2/21. We haven't spent any "close" time since 2/18. He made contact with me 3 times last week for a total of about 12 minutes.

#4: D not dismissed just postponed.

#5: I guess I am making all the changes and H isn't making any.

I could go on and on here....

So, do you think I should tell him I have to get a second job and the reason why I feel I need one?

You see, H transferred a sizeable amount of money to our personal account on 12/24. I do not feel comfortable using it for household expenses because I will have to account for it all and justify to H what I needed to spend it on. Our lives are now under the jurisdiction of our state because a D was filed. If I have my own money, I can spend it as I see fit. I am not a wasteful sort, very frugal actually so there is no chance I would misuse funds.

I am afraid to tip the boat over and drown!!!!!

Do you see any significant events in my sitch that would tell you my H is leaning towards a reconciliation here?

I am going to go ponder more of what you have said. I am sorry to be hijacking TCBTE thread. I hope she is getting benefit from our discussions. I do have my own thread started.

I will look into a facebook account.

Thanks for the hugs....I need hugs!

Sanderika