To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[Sanderika]

TCBTE, hello to you...

I am sorry for you that your H shows such distance and is cold.

My H actually goes in and out of this state every two months or so. In the beginning he was like that for a solid 5 months. It never gets easier to take. It leaves you to analyze and wonder what you did wrong this time. Even after he has already blamed you for everything wrong in his life. I wish it would stop too.

My H has asked about my mother twice in the past 3.5 years and not once about my dad. They were both very good to him and he has no reason not to be kind to them. BUT, you see it's all part of the MLC. In this state they run far and fast away from everything they can (get away with) because of their guilt and shame.

I think that you handled the birthday perfectly. Did the kids give him their cards?

My son who's 12 knows his dad has OW. I have been very open and honest with him as to this fact. We have a nickname for her and it's not very nice. I did not want son to find out by surprise. I also wanted him to be able to understand why his dad neglects us so badly. Because, face it, the OW want H all to themselves and our kids don't fit in their plans. My H's OW is just as selfish as he has become. If I get my way she will never meet son. I plan to get my way. Have you thought about telling your D(15) since she appears to have a lot of interest in what's going on? When my son first found out he cried. He is a very strong young man now and has accepted things the way they are. He's doing better than me because he learned to detach very early on.

Meltdowns are OK and you are entitled. I had one last Sunday and went for a very long walk to recharge. I don't have them often and it usually happens when I am po'd about something H has done or didn't do.

I am here to listen to you so journal away....it helps. Like brandnewday told us there is nothing we can do about reconciling our M alone. Our H's have to want to reconcile too. As long as there are OW in the picture our marriages haven't got a snowballs chance in he!!.

I hope the rest of your weekend is nice. Take care....

Sanderika