Bill, I remember that episode, very well. I love Friends (How are you doin?).
She did make a big thing about this time doing things completely differently. she thinks H will be different because of the IC he is doing (3 sessions so far, 4th next Sat if we decide to try once more). Also, she thinks -and I agree- we both know it is the end. As far as I am concerned, there is a difference. You know, that's how we met- what happened in my life late summer-, for the first couple of months I was angry with H, really angry for ruining my chance to be with somebody I really felt close to. I was mourning the loss of someone I love. I am still fighting my feelings but I have come -for many reasons cant share here- to accept that I have to let go completely of that -wonderful- "dream".
The anger I let out today was also good. The fact that I am talking to my C privately again, is also different. I am not saying this is all it takes, and I agree with you, BUT, if we ever had a chance, this maybe it.
I am not naive. You know, I've been thinking today, she said we would have to both follow her instructions, no excuses, no "work", no lack of babysitter, no feeling tired etc etc. She told my H, he would have to quit the rejection fear he feels and since now he knows it, he should deal with it and not let it rule his life. Btw, he said that all our common life he wouldn't disagree with me, because any difference in opinions from me was automatically translated as rejection. I told him "I chose to marry you,have babies with you, why a disagreement about vacation would mean rejection as a whole, as a personality?". She said, this is his issue. His one and biggest issue.
We would have to DO it, not try to do it. It will be obvious pretty soon if we do that, NOT the result (happiness), but if we do follow and are doing the hard work. At this point I see no shortcuts. And I think, he sees no shortcuts either. If he agrees, if I agree, there will be no "faking it".
I am looking forward to going to IC this Tuesday. There are a couple of things I need to clarify and I am supposed to do this hard work with her that shows which patterns I am repeating in my relationships. For me. And then, we'll see. I havent made a decision yet, but I am calmer because all this frustration is out. I really said almost everything. I think I even said a phrase Al once wrote "You will be regretting this in your deathbed"... I know, pretty harsh, but that is the way it came out.
And finally, if 2 months from now, we are really done, I will finally be at peace. Even if he disagrees now, I will be at peace. Selfish, but true. K
Lisa, John, Stella, I dont think I would have told him I loved him either, if he told me all the things I told him. My C was shocked. I was so angry and bitter she didnt know how to deal with me. I cant even remember all the things I said.
Ohh and the kids' C said, NO WAY should my kids change homes etc now. It would be devastating for them...
I know, pretty harsh, but that is the way it came out. 
