Scared but ready #7

[kassie]

25yearsmic,

About the fourth step, I know about the steps, and he is having a hard time doing the first three. I did say something about a possible reunion after step 4,and 5. He ok. I don't think he has a clue but when i thought about what would give me some confidence - I remembered step 4&5 getting to people in a way that they could no longer ignore what they did while drinking. I am also aware that many people split from the program at that point.

Thanks for sharing.

[breakaway]

kassie,

do you have your own thread?

[breakaway]

the sooner you know, the better. For ALL concerned. Just mho.
Besides, wouldn't it be great if you were "wrong" and he chose family?

That would be great. And that's the point I'm finally getting to..that one way or another, there needs to be some kind of action/decision for everyone's sake. I'm done "treading water." Sort of, lol. Since I'm a SAHM, that complicates things. Gotta get totally on my own two feet.

That was my experience as a child. I'm not saying either way what you need to do. Besides, I get the feeling you'll find your way just fine thank you!

(( j ))

Thanks j, I appreciate it. I am beginning to feel that the true breakaway that's buried under a lot of crap is coming back to life...she'll know what to do.

[kassie]

Breakaway,

My thread is WAH2 - not original but when I first started, I have several and everyone told me to use one for continuity and they all sort of picked it which one for me. Then it locked and in a panic I just continued it. If you read it - you will see my roller coaster ride.

[K4D]

25, can you come visit my thread again? Its Divorce looming #5.

Sorry breakaway, I know this is your thread.

Just wanted to also talk to 25.

Kevin

[kassie]

Sorry {{B}} for cutting into your thread but have a question for {{25}} - regarding the story you were sharing yesterday about your father - did your mother ever return? did their M survive?

[25yearsmlc]

Sorry about the hijack but kassie's identity is too confusing for me and my tiny brain to find her elsewhere...

Um, briefly. My parents began to "date" after dad went to AA and they overtly enjoyed each other's company. That was a first in my memory. It took 2- 3 years before they were close enough but that included dad really "getting it" but he was crushed for a long time with the realizations. In fact my MOM called me to tell me that I had "depressed your father" with my forthrightness at his questions... So they were much closer than before. I often wonder if they had simply moved back in together, and bought a home again, but she had kept a room of her own, it could have been totally fine. (They had sold the house at the point of separation).

They never divorced. Once he stopped drinking, he was so much more interesting and his education was an enjoyable thing for us. Holidays were eventually shared by all (not the first 2 years though) and they gave each other good presents AND HE planned her 70th birthday.

But before a truly full reconciliation happened, they were only living a few miles away from each other, and seeing each other often. He'd come over and cook for her a lot (became a chef after retiring from the nightmare career)...they spoke every day. Attended family events together.

And as they were finding their way in life, he got sick. Instead of visiting me out west, the day before the trip he gave HER the ticket and said he was seeing his doctor. He dropped her off at the airport and went straight over to his physician. When she landed out west she said she was worried about him. While she was at my house on his ticket, he called to say "bad news", and my mom and I rushed back east, and he got some BAD news, daily, for 5 days straight, and went home into a hospice program. He had liver cancer, brought on by his previous drinking. He died in 59 days.

When he got the diagnosis, somehow I was alone with the two of them. First he hid himself under the sheet for a minute and wept. Then he uncovered his face and they began speaking in French, their native tongue. I heard him say "this is my epilogue" and that he loved her, and she said it back. It was the first time I ever heard them tell each other that out loud. Then they hugged and cried.

He had many profound regrets on his deathbed, and he asked for my forgiveness, and I gave it to him. I really did. It was the most holy moment in my life.

When he passed away, my mother was a grieving widow. She speaks fondly of him now and misses him often and so do I.

((( j )))

[kassie]

I have heard before that it is hard to find me - don't know why. I'm in separated - now what section. But I post almost daily.

Thanks for the end of the story. H has proposed living apart for a long time if needed and spend time together when we can. I am the one who has a problem with the idea - but I don't know if or when I would ever be able to live in the same place. As far as the loving part goes - it was nice to hear too. My H and I still have that feeling about each other behind all the mess. I think we are both not saying anything right now because there is a lot of work ahead.

[25yearsmlc]

I'll hunt your thread somewhere around here...but please don't let your kids
hear "I love you" on a death bed for the first time...know what I mean?

I'm very grateful for being there, don't get me wrong. Just so sad that it took that kind of news for my parents to really cut to the chase, to the heart of the matter and lay aside the pride and pain...

Yes it means "work" -- but life is work. And of all the "work" in life, what better thing to work on than a loving R? Beats digging a ditch type of work...let's just say if it's "work", there are lots of worse jobs out there!

((( j )))

[breakaway]

How Far

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YlV-NEsYkA&feature=channel