There is an episode of "Friends" that came to mind when I read the telling of your recent counseling visit.

In the episode, Chandler hooks up with Rachel's boss from work. The boss likes Chandler, but Chandler doesn't really like the boss. Despite this rather important fact, Chandler continues to end each date with the line "Well this was fun. We'll have to do it again."

Because of this, Rachel's boss is upset and hurt when Chandler fails to call her for another date. Even when Rachel finally confronts Chandler and insists he accompany her to her work to finally tell the boss that he is not really interested, he ends even that conversation with "Well this was fun. We'll have to do it again."


In the show, it was very funny.


I think it was Albert Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result.


K, I am all for saving marriages. I would love for your children to have the benefit of a whole family, Mom and Dad both at home and both loving and supporting them. I would love for you to finally feel loved and cherished by your husband, and he by you.


But what will be different this time?


If being able to finally pour out all your feelings, hurts, and frustrations at this latest meeting has changed YOU and your outlook, I can perhaps see the benefit of trying again. You know, I think, that your attitude changed dramatically in this recent effort when your husband did not respond the way you had hoped. Perhaps that is because of all the unresolved things you still had churning inside.


For another effort to make any sense, it must come with a different approach by BOTH of you.


Your husband must find the balls to actually try, to actually express his feelings for you, to sacrifice in some way to show how utterly lost he would be without you.


And you must find a way past the past. You have to be able to start from today, start from ground zero rather than ground negative 100. You must be willing to do your part in fostering love, and that is an ACTIVE thing.


Otherwise, this is nothing more than the two of you saying, "Well, that was fun. We'll have to do it again."



Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."