Life after exposure

[Still Waters]

I did confront my W about A#2, but choose not to expose to anyone else. It's pretty clear that nothing I say or do right now is going to bring her back, so why bother. She's completely fogged out.

My W denied that she was having another affair and said that OM#2 was...wait for it...just a friend. Sure he is.

My W also said, again, that she can't work on the marriage. Same reasons as before: she feels weak and powerless, she gave 100% of herself in our M for years and doesn't have the strength to work on rebuilding, she needs to find herself, figure out who she is, and the same old script. She also said, "don't ever tell me that I didn't fight for our M." She says this even though she had an A, moved out, lied and deceived me and her family for months, made me drag the truth out of her, and then refused to do anything to try to pick up the pieces. While we were together she did nag me about things she didn't like about me, how I didn't verbalize my emotions and feelings as much as she needed. But if she thinks that nagging is fighting for your M then she's in for a long road of failed R's. Yes, I should have listened to her and heard the warning signs. But constant nagging is no way to get someone to change. It's a cheeseless tunnel.

I'm not saying that she didn't try to make things work when we were together, but the things she was trying I wasn't picking up on. It's right out of 5 Love Languages. She was trying to fill up my love bank with a kind of love I didn't see. Meanwhile, I was doing the same thing to her. The difference is that I realize my mistakes and want to fix them, while she takes little to no responsibility for our communication problems.

I told her that I'm sorry she feels that way and that I've decided to move on. I let her know that I haven't given up hope, but that right now I need to protect myself and move on since she refuses to do anything whatsoever to work on our R. I didn't get into it with her about our R, because it would only make things worse. No sense trying to defend my past behavior or trying to make her see her role in the breakdown of our M. All I can do now is let her know that I understand that she feels hurt and weak, I'm sorry she feels that way, I'm here is she wants to begin working on our M, but I won't be here forever.

So I've gone pitch black dark. She won't hear a peep out of me unless she initiates it.