Well, I think I'm seeing a pretty sneaky game coming together here.
W has been talking about getting a new job - even mentioned one in a town about 25 minutes away, but said it would pay better. She did go on that date - the first one in probably 5 weeks that was the "two of them". Funny, they actually met for dinner at the town that she was talking about getting the job. Even funnier, her lease is up in 3 months.
I'm thinking she is looking to make a move that would put her closer to him, yet still not far from me so she wouldn't have to drive the kids a long way.
Now, this could all be in my head, but it certainly would fit the WAW style.
I'm tired of the games - I'm going to ask her flat out, and be done with it. I will file divorce this month if she doesn't end it.
I'm ready - I know I am. I deserve so much better than this - I have friends who appreciate and care for me, a family that loves me dearly. I have children who love me, and want us to be together as a family.
I have to suck it up, and be the moral/spiritual leader, do the right thing, and end this. I am not angry or bitter, and I fear I am heading down that path.
I will not be W's friend, but I will be civil, but we end here and now.
I mistook her trying to wheedle her way in for us connecting - very genuine on my part, and a complete load of bull on hers.
You've been very strong through all of this and put your kids first. It sounds like you've got so much going for you. As a friend of mine asked me: "Look at the big picture of everything wonderful in your life, and tell me, what doesn't fit?" What doesn't fit in your wonderful life - your WAW.
Maybe if you do decide to file, she might come around. At that point, only you can decide what to do for you and your children.
Thanks, dw - I really do appreciate the prayers and thoughts.
You are absolutely right - she doesn't fit. The kids and I play, have fun, enjoy each other and extended family, love God, go to church, value their education.
W goes to school, goes to work, has BFF come over and spend most of the time with the kids - W usually takes a night when she doesn't have to study, and could be with the kids, and goes to dinner with OM. The last 5 holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, President's Day, and Valentine's Day) she has had either BFF or OM over to spend the holiday. In the last 6 weeks, she has done ONE special thing with just her and the kids. I purposefully don't schedule anything during my time with the kids so we aren't interrupted.
What the heck am I thinking that there is anything mutual in W's desire to get what she wants, and my desire to make my family happy and love God?
I love her dearly, and always will, but at some point, I have to man up - and focus my efforts on my kids. W distracts me from giving them the attention and love they deserve - and they need so much from me right now.
I like the 'what doesn't fit in your wonderful life?'. Very good.
Its clear W doesn't fit and doesn't look like she will at any point in the near future. Too bad for her. She will regret it at some point.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I know you love her dearly. But reading what you said about how she chooses to spend her time (not with your children), the Lord is making all of this pretty clear to you.
You can love someone with all your heart, but if you don't want the same kind of life, someone is always going to be hurting.
Just because you love someone and they love you, doesn't mean they are good for you.
Keep us informed of what happens if you talk to her. It may feel more emotional for you before the talk, but you will definitely feel better after the talk no matter what happens.
You can love someone with all your heart, but if you don't want the same kind of life, someone is always going to be hurting.
Just because you love someone and they love you, doesn't mean they are good for you.
I like this. Very true.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well, I think I have myself sorted out - I always do better after I sleep on something.
W just texted away to me today like she hadn't gone on a date.
It's funny how stuff just seems to happen at a distance now with her. I do believe a wonderful woman exists inside of her, and I would love to be with that woman.
When a week like this past week happens, it is a glimpse of who we really are, and how we fell in love. We talked so easily, we listened to each other, we were interested in each other - we laughed about the same stuff that we used to laugh about. We used to be able to talk for hours. She would send me little funny things that she knew I would get a kick out of.
I have no idea what grew up in W's heart and mind - but again, it is a week like this that reminds me of the "old us." But then, she turns and goes on a date with a complete dork. He is overweight, not good-looking, isn't a good/fun conversationalist. The kids told me the last time they went to this jungle gym, "Mommy texted alot, and then came in and played with us." What a great date, huh!
However, it is a sign of how much going dark has helped me, how much DBing has helped me, how much I have grown and matured as a man, husband and father - because now, I see that, and I see the potential we have as a couple and a family, but I see at the same time how completely lost W is.
But, I just don't care. I love my kids, I love my life, I'm in the center of God's will for me. I love my extended family, love my church, have good friends, and many opportunities.
I am strong, happy, kind - the kids tell me when W says nasty stuff, and the true honest spirit that rises in me is pity, and I just smile at the kids, and tell them that I love W, but I disagree. I feel no anger, no bitterness, just peace.
So, it is with those thoughts that I wrote W this email. It probably doesn't match DB principles, but it's where I am, and I'm perfectly happy with it. If it drives W away, then oh well, her loss! I expressed my feelings honestly - I talked about the kids honestly. When they were talking about us getting back together, I asked D8 if she wanted that - and she just stared at the ceiling, and real softly said, "Oh YES!" Makes me sad for her. I will sleep on this before sending it, but it is perfect for where I am. Done with her, moving on, but willing to be here for my family.
This has been such an odd week. I was sort of surprised by your friendliness.
Maybe that's why S6 randomly asked us if we were getting back together - maybe he saw the friendliness too, I don't know. I did ask S6 why he said it, and he didn't have a reason. Both he and D8 said they would be very happy if we got back together.
It must be as confusing for them as it is for me when you act friendly, and maybe there is a chance of us being a family, something both the kids want, and then you continue your affair.
I don't want confusion for them or me, so I'll be clear: as long as you are in an affair, I will not be "friends" with you. Of course, I will always be civil.
If you ever did decide you wanted our family together, you know how to get a hold of me, but that's the last thing I have to say on the matter.
