Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

Hi Stuck, as always, thanks for the great advice and perspective.

I know this OM pretty well and you are spot-on with how he treats my W. He listens to her, sends her photos of himself from exotic places around the world, helps her manage the day-2-day stuff like printing a document from her computer, or (before she had bought her own car) catching a ride the immigration office to fill out paperwork, etc. He is also very sensitive and can cry at the drop of a hat; something that I was never able to do until my W left, and then I developed that "trait" also.

I am pretty sure that I can be the better choice for her; you are right about the shared history and shared experiences bit. The kids and our M are hard things for her to walk away from, and in the absence of his pleading and pledges of support, her conviction wavers. You are right: since I am in this for the long view and she is not pressing for a divorce, I do believe that time is on my side. Her OM is a playboy to the 'T': he's into travelling all over the world on his familys' dime, racing motorbikes in France, climbing glaciers in the Alps, and surfing in Hawaii. He's got girlfriends in every port of call (judging from his social network photo page), and I'm sure has no long-term interest in my W. They were in grade-school together is their only past connection, and he claims that he wants her to be happy (by getting rid of me and her kids!)

Eventually he will tire of her and she will have to make the decision to stay where she is, or to come back and give our M another try. Money is the other problem that she is facing now. She apparently lied about being accepted to nursing school, and she didn't really have a job interview at a hospital. These things seem to be par for her: she suffers from a very low self-esteem and lies to bolster her image to people.

I just hope that her financial situation doesn't degrade to the point that she is forced to come back before she actually wants to. As I have said before, though, I am working on me and my family right now.

Something for me to ponder: how does one "kill with kindness" when communication is almost non-existent, and wouldn't increased communication be seen as pursuit? I am always upbeat (at least initially) when she calls. Letting her vent more when she does call would be good, certainly. Any ideas for non-pursuing kindness?