I know what to do. Just need the support.

[PortlandDad]

Noedphi, I just read through your entire sitch. You have come a long way in a relatively short amount of time! The confidence and personal improvements that you've made are a far cry from the clingy, panic'ed person that you seemed to be back in your earlier postings.

You are doing the right things, and you are growing and evolving into a better person.

I have only just recently had a similar revelation is my R with my WAW, too. I started out much like you did; made lots of mistakes and lost lots of points with my W. We have been separated since 11/08 and she only recently flew into town to see the kids for a week before leaving again (she lives in Germany now with OM). On my way to the airport to pick her up, I got the strangest sense of calm come over me. I didn't know it at the time, but my family had been praying for me to be enlightened. I don't really understand it, but it felt to me that someone was telling me that there was something better in store for me. It was profound and inexplicable.

I think there is something better in store for you, too. It could be a reconciliation with your W when she finds her way back to you, or it could be something else. Be strong and keep up the good work.