Recently it has not really been so much of a roller coaster as a necessaary leap of faith. Things have been really quiet, and sometimes I feel that my W is DBing me. \:\) The more I detach, the more she detaches. The more I do my own thing, the more she does hers, etc.

If I just looked at our outward situation, I would swear things are getting worse.2 months ago we would snuggle, my w would ask for massages, and we would ML occasionally. Now that is all gone. I have to temper this, however, with the knowledge that 2 months ago my W was also deep in the throes of a secret EA which I believe is now 1-sided and winding down. I was also clingy and desperate, and am now feeling a lot better about myself and amazingly more independent.

I have been working my way through "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and it has been helping me. I realize that for a long time I have been "caretaking" or "giving to get" - a habbit where I do nice things for my W with the unspoken expectation that in response she will give me the attention / love that I need. It is a completely cheeseless tunnel, and only makes me resentful.

This morning, as we were both slowly waking up, I was very close to starting to give her an unasked for back rub (with of course the unspoken and probably unrealistic hope that she would respond and snuggle or even offer me one. In reality she probably would have either asked me to stop, or just put up with it quietly until I quit. This would have left me feeling rejected, resentful, and with less self esteem.

I remembered what I was reading, realized what I was doing, and instead did nothing but go back to sleep.

Seems crazy not to try to do nice things for her, but that's where we are.

I'm a little bit proud of myself.

Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
No Resentment