I guess my problem is right now that I didn't actually come out and say "I don't want to talk to you while you are having an affair." I didn't say those exact words.
I said "I don't want to talk to you anymore; You are having an affair."
I missed that one word: While.
I know I am probably reading way too much into this.
It's done and over with and there's nothing I can do.
I know that one word can't change the whole situation.
If he really loves me and wants to work on this, then he will do what is needed and come back to me.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
Lord, please give our friend Belle the wisdom and discernment to understand what You are trying to work in her. And grant her the strength and the courage to stay the course that I feel You have set for her.
My evening was OK, spent it at church and studying.
I'm currently studying to take a certifcation exam for Specialist in Blood Banking. That has been keeping me busy. I'm amazed at how well I am studying, but my mind does wander frequently to our conversation the other night.
Church was good for me. The pastor talked about how Abraham waited 20 some years for God's promises and he never lost faith. Here I am 4 days post confrontation, wondering what is going to happen. It just hits me that if H ever gets right with himself, it will probably be a while. I guess it wouldn't be good if he came running back a couple of days later - that would be too soon.
Still, it's been hard these last few days. I miss the (fake) friendship that we did have. It's been awful quiet and I miss him. It's so weird to say that because how can I miss something that was just a lie?
Thanks for checking up on me PDT.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
Perhaps God knows that it may take longer to perform a work in your life?
I too get very frustrated that things don't happen faster for me. I also know that, based on my personality and temperament, that if they DID, I never would have grown.
Something to think about.
20 years, huh? Wow. Yeah, I guess he did, didn't he. Puts my SSM into some perspective for me -- thanks.
20 years, huh? Wow. Yeah, I guess he did, didn't he. Puts my SSM into some perspective for me -- thanks.
Puppy
Hey, I actually helped you out???? That's cool!
I am just so worried that I have pushed H away for good. I know his pride and when I told him I don't want to talk to him, I know he will not approach me. I can imagine us going for weeks, maybe months, without talking.
As much as I hate the thought of that, in the back of my mind, I know it was for the best. I was checking out Regrets thread and what Still Waters posted to her. I have now completed the two options - I spent 7 months divorcebusting, giving him his space, doing my own thing. Obviously it didn't work. I got tired of the disrespect. Now I completed the second option (snoop and confront), and here I am.
I know it's for the best.
If he is too proud to approach me, then he doesn't love me enough and he's not worth it.
Sorry to ramble, but I just have to get these thoughts out.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
