To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[ddstartingover]

Happy birthday H. This is the first time we haven't celebrated your birthday (in some form) in almost 30 years. I am on no-contact, so here is my greeting to you.........I hope that in the coming year you can reconnect with the person you were before the alien invasion. I hope that you can truly understand what you have done to us and our family. I hope that you can look at OW and see that she is all part of it --- she helped them find you. She convinced you that I was the enemy, and that what we had was NOTHING. I hope you will be able to fully understand all of this and also know that I am still here, and I am ready to fight for our marriage. It's time to grow up, take responsibility for what you have done, push the aliens away and ask for forgiveness ----but then you have that witout even asking. It's time for you to get over the feelings of guilt that you told me you have, and get to work to repair the damage.

I had a good week. I kept very busy. I got heavy blond highlights - which no one must like (either that or it just looks like my natural color since I had dyed it dark in the fall and still had dark color....). D15 and one of her friends were the only ones that commented without prompting. No word from H. But I didn't expect anything. The cat survived her surgery - will probably be peeing on my carpet for another 10+ years.

I did lose it Thursday night when D15 asked if we would be going out to dinner Saturday (for birthday). I told her that I was sure she would be going out to dinner --- but I would not be invited. I had some anger building and kind of let it all out. I told her that it was extremely painful for me ---to think that after almost 30 years I was the last person her dad wanted to spend his birthday with, and I still don't understand it all. She doesn't know about OW. I've let him keep that secret. It's so secret he denies that they are still together. I have been very open with her about the fact that none of this is anything that I want. We have talked about the changes in him, and I have cautioned her about his drinking and to be careful not to let him drive her and the kids if he had been. It's all way too much pressure for a 15 year old. But what else can I do? I apologized for being emotional, and told her that I wish I could help her understand all of this, but that there was still so much I didn't understand myself.

I asked on several occasions if there was something the kids wanted to get for his birthday, and no one had ideas. So there was no gift purchase made. I encouraged them all to make cards...