stella: dancing in limbo

[stella_k]

Hey all.

I only have a few minutes to post, so:

H broke up with OW.
She left the apt they were renting together.
He came here.
The H who left it here the other day and the man that came back are two different men. He said so himself.
When he was leaving he loved me, he was looking forward to been with me, set things right once and for all.
Today he's gloomy, aloof, very unsure of what he's done. He asked me for some space. No hugging, kissing, he avoids eye contact - again. It doesn't look good.
He told me that he wanted to be happy with OW but couldn't because of me, that I was always there like a thorn in his heart.
I asked him - on the spur of the moment - will you love me?
He said, I don't know. I will try.

But he definitely doesn't seem to love me now. He is grieving the loss of OW so bad, it breaks my heart to see him in such condition.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is that he has to visit the apt they were renting together at least several times. He already said he's going to work there for a couple of weeks, until the lease is over. He will be surrounded by memories of their life together and at the moment he can only think of what he's lost, so that life will appear precious. I don't like it at all, but I didn't say a word. I figured, the OW will show up there for sure and she will know immediately that all is not lost and she will try to get him back. H still doesn't see her for what she is - shameless schemer - and now he's done all to ease his conscience, he might fall for it again.

I feel like walking on eggs again. Not knowing what to say and feeling very insecure. I know in my heart that if I try and demand anything from him, he will bolt again. Not good.

And there is nothing I can do, I guess.

I can only hope and pray.

And be.

That'd be all for now, I'll be back with more update.