Healing from a lifetime of self-deprecation

[still hopeful]

I was looking at the title of my thread and the words self-deprecation jumped out at me because of my pastor friend, Bill. Attending my church's Job Transition Ministry, Bill was talking to the group and he mentioned that self-deprecation is one of the most egregious forms of pride because we are choosing to rely on ourselves and our own abilities instead of relying on our Savior. I had never looked at my own behavior in both my job transition and my DBing efforts as idolatry, or worshiping my own 'powers', rather than relying on God who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient. I suppose coming to that realization is the ultimate in healing of my self-deprecatory behavior.

Because Bill illuminated my own wrong thinking, which helped me to remain stuck and unproductive, I was able to take myself from a standstill and get myself moving, setting the stage for a bit more work tomorrow and prepping the terrain for hitting the ground running on Monday, taking full advantage of the inertia initiated this week.

I am feeling upbeat for the first time in weeks, and I'm also feeling that I am able to follow phoenixdeux's advice to let go of the end results expectations of my relationship with my XW and to really work at seeing her for who she is, my EX-wife. Right now, my focus is on digging myself out of the hole that I've dug for myself and as my friend Wil keeps telling me, I need to stop being a crutch for XW and focus on helping myself get squared away and on solid ground again, because I'm not really much use to anyone right now, including myself. So, that's where I am. I'll DB as best I can when I am in my XW's presence by presenting my authentic self, a strong, independent, caring man who understands that his present situation is temporary, but who I am in God is permanent. As the saying goes, "Let go and let God."