The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

Yes, ST I DID SAY THAT. And, I had a little chuckle as I said the words. He's ridiculous.

So, tonight. He called me. I let it go to vm. He texted me "call me" I ignored it. He called me 3 more times. Finally, I answered. He wanted to know if I could pick KC up early because he had to watch "the boys" (her kids). I just said "fine, no problem" As a matter of fact, I told him I would be there early. I met him. He put K in the car. I asked when she ate last. 4 1/2 hours ago. WTF? I said "why hasn't she eaten in so long?" He replied "I got her home and she screamed for an hour in her crib and then finally fell asleep for 3 hours. I had to wake her up to bring her here". Ummmmmm....#1 - not healthy to let your 8 month old scream for an hour....#2 - she's never slept during the day for more that 2 stints of 1 1/2 hours. #3 - She should be fed every 3 hours at the latest. I gave him her meal plan, alternate, bottle.....solids....bottle .....solids.

I was kinda pissed because I had plans. But, I was GREAT. Met him, asked when she ate, how much she slept. Put her in her car seat...said "See you Sunday" and left. IIIIIIII walked away ....IIIIII walked away. I didn't stand there waiting for him to start a conversation. I didn't stand there waiting to say ANYTHING. I DIDN'T CARE. It feels GREAT and SCARY.

I have to say....I really think it's getting to THAT point. I can't really stand him. I think about what I've been thru this last year and a half. How do you take THAT person back? AND, forgive? How? I don't really feel the same. I don't really love him THAT way. I want him to be OK. I want him to have a decent life (not a wonderful one,.....sorry, not that advanced yet). I realize that this OW...she'll be gone soon. But, there is nothing left in my heart to be there for HER. And, I know, she'll reach out. I want to be sooooooooo far away from that BS. That I can even smell it downwind....four miles away.

I love you guys. There is NO WAY I could have gotten through this without you. I know I'm not there, yet. But, I feel close.

FG - don't leave me. I NEED you very much to keep me solid and on the right path. And, I genuinely LOVE you. You are my BS radar.

SO2 - you'll always be my friend. I plan on trading horror stories when our daughters are teenagers. Did you see the pics on my personal FB?

ST - you have kept me balance between spirituality and "humanity". I adore you.

His Wife - I can't even express how much you have helped me. I miss you very much.

Tomato - Thank you for reminding me that God is in my corner.

Nik B - Missing you lately. But, understanding that maybe you havve your own life to live. But, thanks for checking on me. You were one of the firsts. I will always remember you 2 X 4's - OUCH.

All the others...and I hope I have not offended anyone....everyone who has posted and given support. I LOVE YOU.

I am not leaving the board. I just thought that maybe, it was time to give some praise and let you ALL know how much I TRULY appreciate you....ALL OF YOU.

You'e not getting rid of me that quickly. I'll still be posting as much, if not more. I just wanted to give PROPS.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO