Right there with you. I started out pre-DB doing everything completely wrong and, having read DB and DR, still find an infinity of ways to pressure and backslide. I'm getting better at the upbeat tone, though, and the GAL -- I start a new volunteer gig in a week, very meaningful to me for personal reasons.
I totally agree with Puppy on the "soft place to fall" and the enabling girlfriend(s). I can name the soft place and I can name the girlfriend in my sit.
Still got my Nice Guy mojo working, but I'm restraining it -- I won't give it up because that would be more like a 270. She'd never buy it. For example, this morning I was up earlier than she was. So I made coffee -- enough for me. She wanted some; she made it herself. I tidy up the house, but I live in the house and the kids live in the house, and NOT tidying up the house was one of W's (more minor) beefs.
It all feels very phony, to be sure. But whatever it takes. If the fight matters to you, then you gotta leave it all out on the field.
