WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 4

[confusedinpa]

It was an odd start to the morning - it's getting to be so frequent, perhaps this is normal.

She came into our room to get ready. I invited her to come sit on the bed for a minute. She wound up laying against me, hugging, as we talked. It was just light conversation, nothing too serious. She went into the bathroom to take her shower. When she got out of the shower, she told me that it was OK for me to go in as well to take my shower.

As I shaved, she commented about the love bites she left n my chest from last nite. I just smiled. She then said they were nothing compared to her's. She flashed me and noticed I had noticed. She smiled about and then we talked about how in the past I didn't like it when she was in the bathroom when I was getting ready - just because she would get me aroused.

She thought it was ridiculous, which I agree now, as she said that she could have, back then, taken care of it for me. Arghhh - another missed opportunity. I wasn't sure if she thought that would make me feel better or what?!!? I did say she could now if she wanted to but she said her mom was going be here any minute (she's watching our youngest at home today since he's still sick).

We did talk about how she was going to have dinner with her cousin to chat (her under 25 year old cousin is going through a divorce right now). I wished her the best and asked her if she had a chance to give me a call if it got late, just so I knew she was ok. She seemed a little peeved about that (I know I shouldn't have as it was controlling). Oh well, another mistake, whatever.....

I had wanted to ask about her comment "I hate your ffing p*nis you a-hole" from last nite, but knew better. I may have to talk to my therapist about that.

One thing that I do have to talk to my therapist though, is that last Thurs and last nite, when she was working on me, I didn't get a full erection before I was done (both times each nite). She had made a comment about how it was ok if there was too much pressure/stress on me. She remembered when we started dating, the same thing happened, but it went away after a couple of weeks. She did say it was odd how its happening again. It's troubling for me as well......

Anyway, she was a little unsure about going to dinner to chat with her cousin, but I encouraged her and wished her a good time out. I did suggest she could have 5 martinis...... She just laughed about it.

I got an email from her today saying how she was getting really stressed at work. I sent her a positive, upbeat encouraging email back, but never heard back from her.

Oh well, whatever...

[confusedinpa]

The day is winding down and I still haven't heard from her. I thought about calling or texting her but I know that's wrong

Tough part is that the friend I would usually call is out with his wife for happy hour. They invited me to join them but I need to go home to watch the kids

I need to fully detach but it is hard

I'm confused with on this roller coaster ride. I would feel better if she was still in the same room, but she's not. It really bugs me that she went to the spare bedroom after last nite.

Sometimes I feel like there's no chance. I hate being in limbo

Enough of the feeling sorry for myself venting. I need to go back to my new mantra, whatever....

Any insight or encouragement will be appreciated

[spellfire]

I think at this point I have said all I have to say in terms of actual advice. So I will just check in on you and say that I am proud of ya man. Clearly you are struggling with this situation, and still you continue to persevere and not give up. Like most things in life, it's not how quickly you progress, it's how determined you are to keep trying.

Please take some time to read back through your thread again, since all the advice contained therein is still applicable. As you progress and grow, you will be ready to absorb more of what was said previously. Just speaking from experience. I read my entire sitch from time to time, and I always take something new out of it.

[MrBond]

Well last night's interaction, although a little weird was a good sign. Did you intend for her to get that drunk? You kept making them for her and you knew what happened last time. At least she's willing to ML to you. It's been a year for my W and I.

It seems like the ML is pent up frustrations from the past and now she's trying to enjoy herself. Especially that pnis reference shows her how much she hated you finishing first all those years. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

It was also a good sign that she joked around about it this morning. It shows that she doesn't regret it.

I honestly don't see what you're worried about. If you keep giving her space and allow her to express herself when she needs to, she'll snap out of it in no time. All the signs are there.

Let her respond to you if she wants to. Don't let the lack of contact eat away at you.

[confusedinpa]

Spellfire

I appreciate your encouragement. When things are looking bleak its good to know there are people in your corner

[confusedinpa]

Well last night's interaction, although a little weird was a good sign. Did you intend for her to get that drunk? You kept making them for her and you knew what happened last time.

I honestly don't see what you're worried about. If you keep giving her space and allow her to express herself when she needs to, she'll snap out of it in no time. All the signs are there.

Stuck808,

I appreciate the optimism. She only had 1 martini last nite (compared to 5 last week). It clearly hit her pretty hard. She did say "This is going to mess you up" and this was horny sex.

Guess the other part of it was her then staying in the spare bedroom. I wanted to hold her but guess I'm starting to sound like a girl now

I need to stay with my 180 a,d getting a life while providing a safe enviornment for my stray cat

Thanks for the encouragement.

[confusedinpa]

Still haven't heard from my wife - its a little after 8PM

I'm trying to take a whatever attitude but I'm getting annoyed. Not sure why as she has already told me that she was going to have dinner with her cousin. I really need to get a grip of my anxieties

I was thinking about watching Fireproof tonite after the kids went to bed. She had said a few weeks ago she would watch it with me but we never got around to it. Do you think its a movie that would help her with our situation? Or should I just watch it by myself? Or will it make me a wreck for whenever she comes home?

Trying to stay focused

[confusedinpa]

I'm still curious if anyone has an opinion on the Fireproof video - namely having my wife watch it

I did decide I'm going to take a break tonite from obsessing with our relationship and just watch some of my regular shows (Flashpoint and Terminator)

I need to unwind as well....

Thanks for listening to my ramblings

[MrBond]

She said that she wants to watch it with you, so I would watch it together.

Don't worry. The anxiety is natural. Maybe do some reading about something other than the sitch. Watch tv or play a game. Anything to get your mind off of this. That's why we stress it's important to GAL.

Hang in there man. Post when she gets back.

[confusedinpa]

Well she got home a little after 11. She didn't say much. I gave her a hug and she kissed me lightly with her lips. She said she was tired and was going to bed (in the spare bedroom)

She came back down for water. I tried to engage her in some conversation but she wasn't interested. I tried to give her a hug goodnite but all I got was a kiss (lips) and she said in a short tone "goodnite"

I probably pushed it

I guess I was hoping it would be like last Thurs when she got home at 11. Another dose of reality.

Oh well, whatever....