Thanks. The test result was a huge relief! I am now thinking about getting the HPV vaccination. There have been no studies for my age group and I would have to pay for it but it certainly won't cause me any harm.
No, h was not able to express his emotions prior to MLC and that's why I didn't realize what serious trouble we were in until it was too late. Quiet to the extreme and emotionally distant is the way he always was. I didn't think it was going to be a problem long-term and I loved him so I let him be and didn't often try to drag things out of him.
What changed in 2006 was I just felt that he didn't want to spend time with me, felt him moving away from me, so I would ask him on occasion if he wanted to stay with me and he would always insist that everything was fine and he loved me. It was a subtle change so I was able to put it out of my head most of the time. Given what has happened, it would not have made any difference if I had pushed him. He is doing what he thinks he needs to do.
All of our life together, when something that should have upset him didn't I would ask him why and he would always say that he's just an easy-going guy and doesn't hold grudges. Sounds very similar to your h doesn't it? It's very good that your h recognizes now how destructive it is and makes the effort to talk, even though it is hard for him and likely always will be.
A few months after h and I split we were talking on the phone and he was trying to justify the lapdancing (I didn't know about the affair yet) and he said he was in a dark place. I asked him why he couldn't have just talked to me and he said "I don't talk." So he would rather throw our relationship away then talk to me and try to change what he believed was making him unhappy.
I have never liked to be mauled and neither does anyone else in my family. Although H was the same way and he suggested after we split that we both need to be with someone who is more affectionate. Then he thought about it for a few minutes and said it would probably just start to irritate him. I am sure his ow is more affectionate than I am because that is obviously who he was referring to, unknown to me. I wonder how long before it starts getting to him.
My late brother has two daughters and one was exactly the same way as your daughter and the other loved to be hugged. I don't think you should link it to the abuse as I believe it really is just the way some people are. Your daughter sounds like she has taken after you and as long as she is happy to spend time with her friends and they seek her out, I would not worry. As far as future romantic relationships, I had no shortage of men in my life and none ever complained.
