Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

Hi, sorry I didn't respond yesterday. I got caught up in a funny on Cinco's thread. I just posted there. You might get some additional insight into my 'challenge' w/my H. I also post to Diane's thread a lot.


Does NOT want to read any books. He's taken about 5 mo. to get to p. 302 in The New Male Sexuality. He's thru all the 'relationship' 'intimacy' and 'communication' stuff. Also the anatomy & physiology. Asked him a couple weeks ago if any of it enlightened him in any way. He didn't think so. If he ever finishes it its hard to decide which one to give him next. Tempting to skip the R ones and go to the technique ones LOL. He does not have a bunch of guy friends he can talk to & would definitely not discuss wife sex w/them if he did. He doesn't read a lot to begin with. Mostly zones on TV.


He doesn't want to believe he needs to change. Doesn't want to change. Probably fears losing himself. Not being him anymore. Whatever. Been going on for over a year, big efforts since last June. I've done a lot of rants on this forum. Sometimes seems like we're doing better, sometimes not.

Thank you for your sympathy. Lost my daughter almost 4 yrs ago to breast cancer. Shoulda been me. Always figured by the time she was 60 they'd have a cure. Not as tough as I used to be.

Have had discussions w/my H about not having the strength anymore to continually go thru such a fight with him. Getting him to take care of his health, quit smoking, go to the Dr. etc etc. He's been inclined to tantrums to scare me off (his mom's strategy that worked on him-never works on me). Wears me out, but so far, I've kept on.

I'd like the rest of my life to be as much fun as possible. With him. He's slowly "getting it" & slowly improving some of the health stuff and slowly getting into sex more. Will he ever share intimate thoughts? Tell me how he thinks about sex in general? How he feels about having sex? He rarely says anything when we ML. That part doesn't appear to be moving at all, not even slowly.

I mentioned to Diane on her thread that guys talk about their quick & hot conquests when they're younger. Tend to stay in that macho-no emotion tone as they age. Can't imagine a guy telling another guy how much his wife affects him emotionally during sex. How great their intimate life is. If they have no example from their parents (H's were D'd & mom was crabby fighter)hugging, kissing, being nice to each other.... Probably real hard for a lot of them to open up and admit their feelings. And being vulnerable to a woman? When she could do so much harm if she knew how much they needed her?

The book I hope H reads next has a section about letting go of the "little boy" and "being the man you want to be" - it may not help my sex life, but it might help him to function more as an adult overall and especially with respect to straightforward communication instead of - well tantrums, evasions, distractions and all of that.

Have a good weekend. I need a rest from all of this. Probably be on next week some time.
Thanks again,
Jayce